My Immortal The Worst Fanfic Ever With Commentary
by Jordan770
Summary: So this is basically just my take on Tara Gilesbie's hilariously horrible fanfic titled "My Immortal." Hope you enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**My Immortal - The Story of Brainwashing- With Commentary!**

So I know a lot of unfortunate people have read this horrible fanfiction (some possibly against their will). I also know that many have been commenting on the terribleness of it and I thought I would give it a go because let's face it, who hasn't laughed or gone WTF while reading this.

For those of you who haven't had the exciting pleasure of reading this, "My Immortal" is considered as the worst fanfiction of all time. It was first published on on March 3rd, 2006, written by XXXbloodyrists666XXX, aka Tara Gilesbie. Tara's account was hacked and in 2008 with over 10,000 reviews. However 's moderators deleted the story for not being up to their standards by that time, but it had already gained "fans" aka people like me who laugh or want to facepalm every chance they read it. Basically it was removed for being severely suckish. Many people think that Tara is a troll, those who don't think she's just an illiterate hormonal adolescent girl who needs serious counseling and help in her english class. The world may never know which one it is.

* I am not responsible for your hangover or the hospital bill if you play the drinking game while reading this.

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)** (no I do not get it Tara, please elaborate! How does saying 'fangz' make you 'goffic'? Ugh, here we go. Be ready to read one of those puns every chapter.)** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) **(too late, lesbianism is already in my head. BTW there is nothing ewish about being lesbian/bisexual/gay. Way to offend!)** raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! **(as you can clearly see, Raven didn't do a very good job with the helping aspect of the story.) **Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! **(Justin Bieber is the love of your depressing life? That could explain a lot.)** MCR ROX! **(according to the reliable source of wikipedia: rox is an album by the California punk band Supernova, a television series, and a London based singer. MCR aka My Chemical Romance which is an example of a wannabe punk band- was not included in any of the above.)**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **(and I'm an alcoholic. Or atleast this entire story would make much more sense if you were. But that is a very VERY long screwed name you got yourself there, dementia=brain disorder. Lovely.)** and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **(children are born without hair so that made less than no sense. Plus ebony **_**is**_** black.)** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **(limpid tears? Alrighty then.)** and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). **(There are quite a few reasons for people to "get da hell out of here," Amy Lee not being one of them. Saving your brain cells tops the list.) **I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **(yes, because people are always so kind and accepting towards incest.)**I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. **(as opposed to purple and triangular. Actually vampires have these things called "fangs"which you completely misspelled and misused in your authors note before the story.)** I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, **(So you are an incest vampire witch? You cannot be both a vampire and a witch Ebony, that goes against everything in the mythological world!)**and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **(No. Hogwarts is in Scotland.)** (where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). **(For some reason, I have strong doubts that this character is seventeen.) **I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **(Yes, we could tell.)** and I wear mostly black. **(OMG! Goths wear black! I would have never guessed!)** I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there.** (Despite the fact that there are no Hot Topic's in England that I am aware of.)** For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets **(that's not a gotchic color!)** and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. **(so basically you looked like a total whore? Got it.)** I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. **(Snowing AND raining? That's called sleet or hail. I know Hogwarts is a magical place but I think that is just a tiny bit ridiculous.)**A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **(as you will learn this is her solution to everything.)  
><strong>  
>"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! <strong>(No freaking way! By the way what is up with the random ellipses?)<strong>

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **(Shyly? Draco Malfoy and shyly should not be in the same sentence together.)  
><strong>  
>But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. <strong>(No, you <strong>_**chose**_** to go away. Your friends do not control your actions.)**

**^ Ohhh the suspense is killing me. **

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **(It is the epitome of awesomeness Tara. Absolutely brilliant.)**

This concludes the first chapter of my commentary for "My Immortal." It's my first time ever publishing on this website so let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! =)


	2. Chapter 2

Here we go, onward to the second chapter of this story... if you can even call it that! Begin!

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! **("da chapta." Seriously? If she helped you I would hate to see what it looked like before, it might actually kill me.)** BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **(I have a feeling that Tara is actually a prep trying to come across as gothic on the Internet.)**

**(Tara likes to divide 'da chaptas' like 'dis.' **

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. **(as opposed to waking up in an alligator's mouth which we would all enjoy.)**It was snowing and raining again**.(No wonder there are no weathermen at Hogwarts, this weather system is whack and impossible!)** I opened the door of my coffin **(haha in this story the lovely children get coffins instead of beds! That's not weird at all!)** and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **(Exactly where does one find such a bottle of blood? Target? The Hogwarts morgue?) **My coffin was black ebony **(which is redundant. Ebony is a shade of black you brainless twit!)** and inside it was hot pink velvet **(ohhh badass! And so very gothic I might add.) **with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. **(I love how the school dress code doesn't apply in this story. If you dress like a whore instead of wearing the actual school uniform then everyone will love and respect you. )** I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, **(as opposed to her pierced forehead)** and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **(kind of messy bun? How can it be kind of? I know hair and I'm almost positive a 'kind of messy bun' isn't a hairstyle!)**

My friend, **(I question the word 'friend') **Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) **(inserting real life people into your stories is never a good idea.)** woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **(this just put a very scary image into my head. I'm not sure about you guys but when I wake up I usually open my eyes first. Not give a creepy "IT" like smile.) **She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation **(you have white skin and you are putting on white foundation over your white skin? This makes complete sense!)** and black eyeliner.) **(Seriously does this school now not HAVE a dress code? And where are the uniforms? Also I can't tell if she's trying to look like a clown or a goth. You decide. )**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. **(Because I always randomly go up to my friends and say "OMFG!" when I first see them. Hell, OMFG is not even a word, just an acronym for texting.)**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **(Ok, hold up. You are a vampire. Vampires cannot blush due to them having no blood. You need blood vessels to blush, so therefore it is impossible for you to do such a thing.)**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **(Hey! There's no need to shout out choice words defensively at the only friend you have little missy!)**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. **(Did someone say Draco Malfoy?)**

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **(how exactly does one reply flirtatiously by saying hi? Oh well then again she said 'flirtily.' Let the invention of new adverbs begin!) **

"Guess what." he said. **(Noo, he should ask this not say it. I don't even think someone can say "Guess what" without it being a question.)**

"What?" I asked. **(*gasp* you didn't ask it flirtily!)**

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **(AHHH! Thilthy muggles aren't allowed into Hogsmeade! Especially if they are an overrated muggle band!) **

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **(because we couldn't tell after you mentioned MCR so many times unnecessarily before this.)**

"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked. **(Draco, your family would not approve of this relation what so ever!) **

I gasped. **(that is not an answer Ebony! Gasping is not an answer to a question, it never will be!)**


	3. Chapter 3

So first and foremost, I apologize for some of the spelling and punctuation errors last chapter in my comments. I'm using Microsoft WordPad and that doesn't have spell check. Also, in the begininning of chapter two I said Tara likes to divide 'da chaptas' like 'dis.' and I didn't put her lovely .

Here we go again!

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! **(Ok Tara, quit flaming your own story then.)** odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! **(Who says they were gothic? You can't see other people over the internet! And if you seriously **_**did**_** get that many good reviews some people were very very intoxicated or on some crazy drugs while reviewing it.)** FANGS AGEN RAVEN! **(Raven is a figment of your imagination! Quit trying to pin this god awful story all on her!) **oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **(that's obvious. I mean, you having legal claim of Good Charlotte's lyrics would be ironic!)**

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff **(uhhh corset stuff?)** on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.**(how can you straighten your hair and make it spiky? Again with the impossible hairstyles!)** I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.** (I love how she inserts that as if it's completely natural, like: I went to the grocery store, I bought some milk, I went to sleep, I slit my wrists... seriously, I casually slit my wrists all the time!) **I read a depressing book **(Twilight? I could understand that, it depresses me as well considering how horrible it is. Then again, I doubt Ebony can read.)** while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. **(George Clinton, book on tape!)** I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. **(NO WAY! Get out of town!)** Then I put on some black lipstick. **(sadly I used to know a few people who actually did wear black lipstick. Trust me,it does not look good on anyone no matter how gothic you are.)** I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **(that didn't stop you from looking like a creepy ghost yesterday!)** I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. **(*facepalm*)**

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. **(Hey! Give that car back to Mr. Weasley right now! I don't care if you are pure blood, in the real world that is considered as theft!)** He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), **(do you own the lyrics to their songs by any chance?)** baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **(haha, of course they do. This is just getting sad.)**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **(an exclamation point should be used to indicate strong feelings or high volume, not depression.)**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) **(Wow, he's a rebel! First he steals a car and then he changes the license plate number to 666 which is quite illegal considering plates have to have a total of seven numbers. )** and flew to the place with the concert. **(let me read that again, "flew to the place with the concert." That was descriptive. XD)** On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. **(Exactly how does one listen excitedly to music?)** We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **(Oooh cigarettes AND drugs. Hardcore! What kind of drugs? At least this somewhat explains why you're so messed up in the head.)** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. **(and then got punched in the face, went to the hospital, and died. Atleast that is what we all wish would have happened but sadly there is more.)**

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). **(1. Those are incredibly emo lyrics. 2. We know. You are incapable of writing a fanfic let alone an entire song.)**

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. **(I can literally feel my brain cells dying. And when did they enter a club? )**

Suddenly Draco looked sad. **(Hm I wonder why? Oh maybe it's because guys don't like being told other dudes look "so fucking hot" whilst you are on a date with them.)**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said. **(YOU sir! YOU sir! Welcome to the grave! I will have vengeance... ok sorry, random Sweeney Todd lyric, much better than she used the word YOU for- in an all depressed like way. )**

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **(Aww how sweet. It makes me want to puke!)**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." **(No sir. Now he's married to none other than Nicole Richie.)** I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **(I didn't know Hilary Duff had a beard.)**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer **(Ebony you are only seventeen. You are an underaged drinker!)**and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, **(apparently walking is for those stupid preps. Only gothics are cool enough to crawl. lol.) **but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into... the Forbidden Forest! **(Oh my god the drama! The Forbidden Forest is forbidden! How do you fall asleep at night with that guilt?)**

Anyways that's it for chapter 3, chapter 4 is my favorite and I can't wait to start working on it. Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed my story, I really appreciate it! Honestly, when I got home from my vacation and saw 6 reviews I was shocked. I never expected to even get one so thank you so very very much! It made me a happy child. =)

Without further ado, here we go everyone, chapter 4!

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! **(What the absolute hell! You just contridicted yourself! How in the world is that even possible? How can you not even spell your own self-inserted characters name right? But whatever you say Tara, ENOBY nut mary sue. Got it.) **DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! ( dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **(No, you turned Draco into a queer and that's why he's acting different. Not because he's in love with your original character after meeting her three chapters ago, and technically only going on one date together after saying "hi." I mean, I always grab at the chance to go out with someone when they say hi to me too!)**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **(yelling at him in question format will get him to tell you nothing you little bitch. Plus I do believe a better question would be, why are we in the Forbidden Forest!)**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. **(Wasn't the car flying a second ago? The way I see it you would plummet to your deaths right about now! But either way, eureka! The drugs are finally starting to kick in! Don't do drugs kids, it will make you do stupid things like walk out of a flying car.)**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily**.(I'd ask that too if I was still alive after plummeting to my most certain death. He parked the car in midair! Seriously, how in the world is she still alive?)**

"Ebony?" he asked.**(No, no, no it's ENOBY Draco! You got the letters mixed up!)**

"What?" I snapped. **(Don't be snapping at Draco, Enoby! Alls he did was say your name. No need to lose control.)**

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness **(In the books I never really thought Draco as an evil child of Satan, just a spoiled little brat, not an evil gothic dude.) **and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **(Ok let me get this straight, because he is wearing red contacts you aren't extremely mad anymore for whatever reason you were in the first place? That's disturbing.)**

And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. **(Just as you what? Stabbed yourself in the face? Everyone would appreciate that.)** Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. **(hahaha keenly! That's like a catchphrase from the late 60's.** **Save the environment! Don't make out smartly against a tree! Only you can prevent forest fires!** **Seriously free cookies to anyone who can figure out how someone can "keenly" lip-lock. ) **

He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. **(Your bra? Badass! I am guessing that it is nice when engaging in sexual behavior that the bra is not on the body.)** Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **(He put his tortilla chip into her salsa and they ate chips and salsa for the very first time! How descriptive that was.)**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. **(I am starting to need some brain bleach.)** We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. **(Vampires have no body temperature because they have no blood,thus meaning they cannot get warm.)**And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was….Dumbledore! **(HAHAHAHAHA! I think the first time I read that I was laughing for ten minutes straight! This line never gets old!)**

Again, thanks to everyone who gave me revoeiws or has read my story. Chapter 5 will be up tomorrow.


	5. Chapter 5

Here's chapter 5! Trust me it doesn't get any better after this. In fact,it mainly gets worse!

* I would not recommend reading this chapter or pretty much this entire story before and exam or any other important test that could effect your future. That includes driving tests. Having to explain to your driving instructor and police force why you hit that pedestrian is not going to fly very well if your excuse is "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Now onto the story, that is, if you can even call it that.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! **(In the wise words of Cee Lo Green on the radio, F you and R you too.)** Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok (**A headache? Really? That's what you're going with? Midlife crisis maybe but a headache? The again this is considered the worst fanfic of all time for a reason. Carry on with that headache of yours Dumbledore or Dumbledeor or however the hell you want to spell your name now. Seriously, when a professor swears like that at children it is completely natural and not stupid what so ever!)**an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! **(which he has every right to be considering they were doing it in a public area where little eyes could watch them! Imagine what the first years in detention would have to say after seeing that!)** PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **(That might take a few centuries. Who else thinks Tara made 5 accounts just to "revoiw" herself?) **

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. **(What did Dumbledore make? Cookies? I love cookies.)**He kept shouting at us angrily. **(I'd be shouting angrily too if I just saw naked teenagers getting it on on the school grounds.)**

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. **(HAHA! Dumbledore so far is my favorite and I like how he shouted and then shouted **_**again**_** all in two sentances!)**

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. **(I do think that a doctors appointment would be necessary if you are crying tears of blood. A hematologists appointment may also be in order. What you have dear is called haemolacria. I've only read about two people having that, you aren't so special and having a serious medical condition like that doe**s** not make you sound gothic. Also, if someone ever calls me a name, this insult will definitely win considering it makes people cry tears of blood. )** Draco comforted me. **(wait, are they still naked or not? I'm lost...)** When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall **(Exactly** **why did we put McGonagall in this? She's not the head of house for these ludacris fools! They're Snape's problem, like he doesn't already have enough of those!)**who were both looking very angry. **(I'd be pissed too if I got woken up to see these teenagers in their birthday suits at 3 am! Seriously, imagine getting told to meet Dumbledore and when arriving you just saw an angry old man and two naked teenagers. That would not look good.) **

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. **(As opposed to what? Having sexual intercourse in the room of requirements? Also, I love how she can spell intercourse correctly yet things like "flame" and "your" she has a difficult time writing out.)**

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **(I think this is the main reason why McGonagall is here. To insult them in a hilariously bad way. Surprisingly I actually called someone a mediocre dunce once and they knew where it came from. Hmm, and exactly why WOULD hormonal teenagers have sex? Beats me!)**

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape. **(I love how he questions and demands **_**at the same time**_**!)**

And then Draco shrieked. **(Because is known for shrieking oh so much.)** "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **(What the hell? Ok everyone, if you ever get in trouble, whether it's not doing your homework, putting your cat in the microwave, or having sexual intercourse in a forbidden place, use this excuse. It will work... that is unless your authority figure isn't on drugs or has a brain cell, then they will just laugh at you and question your sanity.)**

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **(WHAT? What just happened? Apparently in this version Snape relents easily and doesn't believe in giving out detentions or smashing stupid kids heads with large textbooks! This sucks.)**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us. **(Yes, because glaring always gets the point into the teeny boppers heads! Detention or expulsion wouldn't solve anything!)**

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently. **(Why does Draco have two girlfriends all of a sudden. There's ENOBY and EBONY. Maybe they're twins?)**

"Yeah I guess." I lied. **(Lying is wrong Enoby, didn't they teach you that in elementary school where you should probably be right now?)** I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair **(at the same time? Pure talent right there!)** and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **(because I always change into a dress and high heels before I go to bed. That wouldn't be uncomfortable to sleep in at all.)** When I came out... **(Snape avada kedavra me to death and then I died. Best ending ever.)**

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, **(DARN!)**and he started to sing "I just wanna live" by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, **(you were flattered? Personally I would be extremely creeped out. First and foremost, you have been doing nothing for the last three chapters except complaining about being sooooo depressed or something of that nature, therefore meaning that singing a song about living should be offensive to you! Secondly, a guy who stands infront of a bathroom is a pervert or stalker or a psychopathic cretin and most girls would probably call the cops on his sorry ass!)**even though he wasn't supposed to be there. **(You aren't supposed to be there either! Hogwarts is for wizards and witches, not vampire-witch-incest loving- sluts.)**We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. **(Reluctantly! And aren't the girls and boys dormitory's separated far away from each others? I may be wrong about that, I haven't seen the movies or read the books in awhile. But if I am right, it's not like Draco's room would be two centimeters away from hers so he can't just walk back into his room two seconds after kissing her.)**

Chpater 6 is on the way! I'm not sure if it will be posted today or tomorrow but it will be here! Thanks for reading and/or reviewing.


	6. Chapter 6

Oh geez, I just read back on the last chapter and there were so many spelling errors on my part that I am ashamed. Sorry about that! But at least I caught them. I promise to check my writing three times before posting again. Seriously, I critique Tara's writing and then I spell "the" when it should have been "then" and didn't even put some words in which is incredibly lame of me. I shall go hide my face in shameeee.

But before that, here's chapter six!

**~*~***Also, a big fyi, Tara liked to put x's and 666's after her author's notes. Apparently is against putting them there now.*~*~

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **(Sadly I could read that.)**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. **(You are a Satanist yet you wear crosses? Have fun with that. That doesn't make you a hypocrite or anything. By the way how many piercing's do you have exactly and why do we have to go through every article of clothing you wore, why not just say "I dressed like a whore again today" and end it?)** I spray-painted my hair with purple. (That's what I always do in the morning, I get up, then spray paint my hair

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, **(BWAHAHAHA! Hardcore! Count Chocula! **_**WITH BLOOD!**_** I thought that cereal only came around at Halloween time!) **and a glass of red blood. **(By now I am just going to assume that the authority figures at the school don't care about cannibalism or any such illegal activity, and I'm guessing the Hogwart's school rule book or whatever it's called has been thrown out the window or burned. If I was to go into college, sit down at a table and go "teehehehehe! I'm drinking RED BLOOD instead of FRUIT PUNCH! I am almost positive someone would notice, tell a teacher, and have me sent to a state mental facility. ) **Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top. **(What a jerk. Whoever it was is my new hero.)**

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. **(Bastard. Bastard works too.)** I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face **(**_**You**_** were going down his face? That's a bit messed up if I do say so myself.)** and he was wearing black lipstick. **(So he basically looks like a girl or a transvestite.)** He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forehead anymore. **(Of all the characters in Harry Potter, I have no idea who this could possibly be. Could someone give me a hint?)** He had a manly stubble on his chin. **(Manly stubble isn't manly when one wears makeup)** He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. **(He bumps into you, ruins your shirt, but because you think he looks like Joel Madden you aren't mad anymore? Enoby is either the most bipolar person ever or she's very good at controlling her emotions.)** He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **(Thanks for clearing that up. 0_0)**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice. **(You should be! You just ruined her shirt which she will now possibly take two paragraphs to explain in a future chapter! Way to go mysterious character who I in no way, shape, or form know.)**

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned. **(after you just called him a bastard.)**

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. **(Turning his name into Vampire is just retarded and not 'goffic' in the least.)**

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **(Oh hahahahahaha HEHEHEHEHE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's the most hilarious thing I've heard all day! How can you **_**not **_**giggle at such a hilarious statement!)**

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed. **(You are not a vampire Enoby. You have been reading too much Twilight and it got your little head confused as to what a real vampire is. For example, real vampires do not cry tears of blood for they have no blood to begin with.)**

"Really?" he whimpered. **(Whimpered? As in you are afraid of her? The Boy Who Lived is afraid of a girl vampire she-witch who eats count chocula. That is screwed up beyond belief.)**

"Yeah." I roared. **(Hey! You are not Rumbleroar, for the sake of humanity get ahold of yourself!)**

We sat down to talk for a while. **(about cats) **Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **(I am sincerely hoping his surprise is a machete.)**


	7. Chapter 7 Bring me 2 life

Onwards young readers to chapter 7!

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life **(Yes, a chapter has a title now. That doesn't really mean antyhing but I thought it should get mentioned. Honestly I'm not sure if life was spelled correctly in the original or not.)**

AN: wel ok u guyz im only witting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. **(Which you gave yourself) **n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! (**Quit uping your reviuws Tara! Also, "tin god vons?" Sounds like a candy or a shoe brand or you just randomly started talking in a German accent.)** STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! **(Oh scary. You're gonna get the boss man in here!)** Evony **(Evony? Who's that? The long lost triplet sister to Ebony and Ebony?) **isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! **(You are right she isn't perfect, she's the most idiotic character ever created! By the way the word "Satanits," this translates to knitting with Satan.)** n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake! **(yeah...riiight.)**

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. **(So you painted your hands black with nailpolish. Wouldn't using house paint be easier?)**I was wearing red Satanist sings **(Satanist sings- Singing with Satan-)**on my nails in red nail polish **(while painting your nails)** (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). **(Not in the slightest! Exactly how do you tell if a character is a Mary, or I'm sorry, "Maru" Sue by her nail color?)** I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. **(Well that can't be healthy. I do believe some counseling or therapy is needed for this sad young soul.)** I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. **(He's gay now? Where the hell does Ginny come in during this?)** Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. **(You are depressed yet you are excited. That makes sense in a mental way.)**We went into his room and locked the door. **(Atleast you had the decency to not wander into a public place this time, thank you Panic at the Disco! I Write Sins Not Tragedies is a life learning song.)**Then…

We started frenching passively **(How do you french passively? Do they make out while playing badminton? I also thoroughly enjoy the definition of passively that I found: Of, relating to, or being a solar heating or cooling system that uses no external mechanical power. This definition has no reference to tonguing others.)** and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. **(A leather bra sounds very uncomfy.)**

We went on the bed and started making out naked **(That is so flippin' radical!)**and then he put his boy's thingy in mine **(before you say anything technically she did get an erection last chapter. But either way, too much information!) **and we HAD SEX. (random cap locks)(c is dat stupid?) **(Very much so! Not even a drunken hobo would find this hot,sexy, or arousing.)**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm **(that is sickening and I do not wish to know anymore about your creepy sex life.)** when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it**. (That's not a death mark. Draco! Voldemort is going to kick your ass for messing with the brand he gave you!)** On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire! **(Vampire is only one word dear.)**

I was so angry. **(Because Draco is a vampire? Aren't **_**you**_** supposevely one as well? And by the way shouldn't you be grateful Draco gave you a surprise? A very rape-like surprise but a surprise none the less. Plus this is not a situation to get mad over, it's making me laugh hysterically!)**

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed. **(Jumping could mess with the springs Evony. Beds can only take so much. Poor bed. Oh well.)**

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. **(You know that he has a tattoo on his arm now. That's all you know, nothing else.)**

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **(Then you might have them now as well. Freddie Mercury died of aids, give him back and they can have you. I think it's a fair trade.)**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. **(Huffily putting on clothes, that's a new one. That's such a Hufflepuff thing to do. Why **_**aren't**_** you in Hufflepuff?)** Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what **(A big hat? I don't know what it is Evony, please tell me I HAVE TO KNOW! It's killing me on the inside not knowing!)** but I was too mad to care. **(Then why did you mention it in the first place?)** I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people. **(You skipped class to have sex? Naughty naughty Evony. Lol.)**

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **(I can only imagine Snape's expression right now. First Evony interupts his potions class by shouting profanity at Vampire, then there's a little nude boy following behind her. I would pay to see Alan Rickman go through with that in the movies. Likewise, next time I am mad at someone I'm entering a classroom and yelling this to the most random kid I can find just to see everyone's reactions.)**

That's all for now! I'll try my best to post chapter 8 and possibly 9 tomorrow but I have an exam to study for so no promises. But I'm not ditching this story so no worries! Hope you enjoyed reading it. =) I can't wait to start writing my comments for chapter 9, there is so much what the hellness in it that it's unbelievable.


	8. Chapter 8

I'm back! As promised here's chapter 8. Chapter 9 coming very soon tomorrow considering it's 1 am here and I need to sleep. Thanks for reading, or you know, trying to read whatever this thing is.

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a prep! **(Flass-an idiotic or lazy person who has not lived up to expectations. Remind you of anyone? Tara perhaps? Evony? Draco? Vampire Potter, that motherfucker? You pick. But apparently this means I'm not a prep because I have never heard of the word flassing until googling it. You just screwed yourself over in that sentence.)**

Everyone in the class stared at me (**No way! I don't understand why people would ever stare at you. Isn't it completely normal to walk into a classroom on a daily basis and scream "VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER"? I do that everyday as a matter of fact!)** and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. **(That's not pathetic or anything. The Malfoy family name is forever shamed by this child. By the way, Evony can put on her clothes but he didn't have time to dress? This is just getting more ridiculous by the paragraphs.)**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. **(Screaming sadly. That's a new one. And Ebony's back! Or it's the long lost triplet again. I really wish she'd just stick to one character with an E. Because, you know, that'd make the story **_**so much better! **_**Not knowing your own characters name is truly a downfall.)**

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. **(I never understood the appeal of throwing random apostrophes into peoples names.)**She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. **(So she flipped her hair with her eyes closed? Didn't the same creepy thing happen with Willow in Chapter 2? I would be scarred for life if I saw anyone ever do that. By the way, was she actually sleeping in potions? Is that why her eyes were closed? And you just **_**had**_** to wake her up with your mediocre dunce-like screaming. Way to go. By the way I doubt you could sleep in a class like potions, especially with Snape there who would more than likely detention your ass so fast it wouldn't even be funny.) **She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. **(I know people who are going to be makeup artists after graduating from college and according to them white makeup is actually hard to come by and moronic to use if you already have pale skin.)** Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. **(Why are we randomly talking about Hermione now?)**Her real parents are vampires **(Expect to see this as a recurring theme. Every other character was kidnapped as a child by vampires. Because you know, vampires are notoriously famous for stealing kids.)** and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. **(What a problem solver righ there!) **She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. **(Why? Is Granger not a "gothic" enough sounding last name? They both start with G's! Plus, I sincerely hope that no court in or outside the country of England would grant someone the request to change their name into a cocktail.)** (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )** (Most people don't usually deal with their depression and misery by converting to Satanism, at least that I'm aware of. Plus, you don't get to randomly switch houses like that because you changed your religion! But I guess in Tara's world, anytime a person has a problem, they will turn to Satanism. Please, just stop writing.)**

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him. **(Oh Snape. Those words will never land you a hooker, never the less a date.** **However, I do approve of your new habit of ridiculous name-calling.)**

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. **( 1. Aren't you dating Draco Ebony? How can Vampire cheat on you when you aren't even going out with him? Unless you are playing cards, it is not practicle. 2. If it's the other way around, which I'm hoping you intended, what logic are you basing this assumption on? A tattoo? 3. Ignoring Snape- bad idea.)**

Everyone gasped. **(Because Snape was so mad at these ridiculous dimwits for interrupting his class like a bunch of ludicrous fools and ignoring him when he asked what they desired that he got out his handy dandy machete and sliced their heads off. Sadly, this is not what happened, sorry to misinform you.)**

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. **(Wait, what? Random POV change much? Who the fuck is talking/thinking?)**I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) **(Why am I not surprised?)** for a while but then he broke my heart. **(Hooray for Ginny!)** He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. **(Son of a bitch, another random character.)**We were just good friends now. **(Despite the fact that there is a permanent heart on your arm with his name on it. Good decision making right there Draco.)** He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) (**haha, haha, haha, HAHAHAHA! I AM IN HYSTERICS!)**

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire. **(Obviously you must have dated him before you turned "goffic" and changed your name to Vampire, when you were a prep. By the way, none of the above will help your character progress throughout this story.)**

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest **(Leaving Draco and Vampire alone to face the wrath of Severus Snape has to be the most logical thing you have done so far Ebony.) **where I had lost my virility to Draco **(** You **lost your manliness by having sex? Is that even possible?)** and then I started to bust into tears. **(bust into tears- busting a dance move while crying.)**


	9. Chapter 9

Here we go my pretties. Chapter 9!

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! **(You didn't color your box red? Good for you, black would be a much better color to color your box with considering it goes along with your oh so depressing and helpless soul. If this was meant to say "I didn't read the books" we all kind of know this considering you lack patience and intelligence to read a book other than "The Cat in the Hat.")** dis is frum da movie ok **(What movie are you watching? It sure as hell can't be Harry Potter!)** so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! **(Yes it is! You are the one writing the story! So let me get this straight,in your little world if you write a story, it isn't your fault if stupid things occur?)** besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! **(But isn't it your fault that you caused him a headache, got it.)** and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! **(WHAT? Snape has never liked Harry! EVER. And it is not because of a religion. At least pretend to watch the correct movies and you would know that!)** MCR ROX! **(Dumbledore swore because he had a headache, Snape hates satanism, you write about how MCR/Good Charlotte rox every other sentence and you wonder why so many people flamed you? Shocking.)**

I was so mad and sad. **(like a lad who was rad. See? Told you she liked Dr. Seuss!)** I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. (**I can. You are pathetic and perhaps Draco didn't want to deal with your stupidness anymore. It wouldn't surprise me right now if he and Snape are contemplating a way right now to get you out of the school where you do not belong!)** I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. **(I feel so bad for that tree. It has put up with so much abuse in this story. Plus if you were so mad and sad wouldn't you try to avoid thinking of things like that? I recommend playing hopscotch.)**

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose **(You already told us he was noseless, way to be redundant.)** (basically like Voldemort in the movie) **(Ok, I just compiled a list of people this noseless guy may be who looks exactly like Voldemort in the movie. 1. Voldemort. 2. The Dark Lord 3. He Who Must Not Be Named 4. Tom Riddle 5. You Know Who) **and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. **(Finally! It's a miracle! A non gothic character!)** It was… Voldemort! **(No freaking way! You seriously just killed your own suspense there. Voldemort is like Voldemort in the movie. It's unbelievable.)**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away**.(As much as I enjoy unforgivable curses, I think Petrificus Totalus would have worked much better than imperious considering "imperio" which is the incantation of imperius only places the victim completely under the caster's control, not freeze them.)**

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. **(Crookshanks? Yeah, Crookshanks does not approve of being used as an unforgivable curse.) **Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. **(I refuse to acknowledge this. Voldemort is THE DARK LORD and possibly the most powerful wizard alive and you just shouted the name of a cat at him and he's screaming. No. Just no.)  
><strong>  
>"Ebony." he yelled. <strong>(Because when you are on school grounds and yelling at one of the students when you are The Dark Lord, this doesn't draw attention to yourself.)<strong> "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **(HAHAHAHA! WHY! Why doth thou make Voldemort talk like he-eth be from thy Middle Ages! And how did he get onto school grounds? Moreover, since when has he wanted someone else to kill Harry? Isn't that his job? Grr so many questions! )**

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden.** ( What? That's the first thing you think of when being asked to murder someone? Also, when The Dark Lord is talking to you it is not the wisest decision to let your mind wander. I find it best to focus on your priorities when the most deadly wizard is standing right in front of you.)** I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand,so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **(That would be a damn tragedy. Looky who's somewhat using logic now! I mean, you're just NOW figuring this out? If there was an award for stupidity, I swear Ebony or the two triplet sisters would win it.)**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. **(Saying no to the Dark Lord. Who does this bitch think she is?)**

Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged. **(A gun? Well considering she's probably too mentally unstable to use a wand let alone know she even has one, Voldemort thought he could end her misery and woe by giving her a gun. It's getting real now!)**

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" **(So you have to kill Vampire and if you don't then I'm just going to kill your boyfriend who's actually on my side... Makes perfect sense to me.)**

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way. **(No Ebony, the correct way of asking this question in The Dark Lord's presence is "How doth thy know?")  
><strong>  
>Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. <strong>(Which is similar to the ones of those reading this fanfic. I wonder if Tara has a look like that on her face 247.) "**I hath telekinesis." **(Telekinesis= being able to move objects with your mind. I think we have to do the dude-ur-so-retarded look to have telekinesis. By the way, I hath a sunburn. It appears that now we are talking about things that have nothing to do with anything.)** he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. **(How do you angrily fly a broom? There are a lot of things these characters enjoy doing that make no sense! Such as cry sexily and angrily flying a broomstick! The Wicked Witch of The West never even rode her broom angrily and she's the broomstick riding god!)**

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. **(Killing yourself would be greatly appreciated by the people who read this story.)** Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" **(That's the first thing I would say after all of that!)**

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) **(Am I supposed to get it? How the fuck does a person do their makeup like this on purpose?)** between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered. **(That wasn't vague or anything!)**

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **Cheated on me with a dude. And giving me aids. But all is well now considering Voldemort saved your soul and instead made me have to kill Vampire instead. And you should be expelled, bitch.)**

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **(As we were making out we ran straight into the Whomping Willow and died. The end.)**

Against everyone's wishes, that last sentence didn't happen. But on the bright side the chapter is over! The downside is there's another one after this. Thanks for reading and reviewing and favoriting and what not. It truly means a lot to me! =D


	10. Chapter 10

Ahh! Ok so I'm really sorry for not updating the story in the past couple of days. I've been going to peoples open houses and doing a project for college so in other words, I've been super busy. However, I'm sincerely hoping to get this story moving along because I know how disappointed you all would have been if I'd forgotten to write a few chapters of everybody's favorite story!

By the way, who else is super anxious to hear what J.K. Rowling has to say on Thursday? I know I am.

Here we go, chapter ten of "My Immortal."

AN: stup it u gay fags **(Gay fags? Is there any other kind of fag? Well I guess a fag is a British word for cigarette so it could also mean a happy cigarette? Five words in and I'm already slamming my head into the desk.)** if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al **(She was not, nor has she ever been a muggle. Please get your facts straight you twisted bitch. She is muggleborn but that does note mean she is a muggle! Her parents, yes, but her, no!)** n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok! **(Students at Hogwart's can't just switch houses all willy- nilly!)**

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. **(She did not just spell Voldemort's name wrong. I'll kill you you filthy muggle child!) **I was even upset **(when I)** went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. **(That doesn't sound child friendly. I'll get the edited parental approved version of the album when it comes out... in hell.)** I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. **(Which automatically means the band sucks.)**People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. **(So basically like I said, not a good band. How can you be a mix of them anyway's? One is pop punk rock, one is metal, and the other is alternative rock.)**

The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) **(Diablo was a fun game. Me and my step brother used to play it all the time. But to use it as a persons name? I'm sure when or if you all meet the real Diablo you won't think having his name is so cool anymore.)** and Hargrid. **(Hargrid? HaRgrid is in the band? So here we got a gothic slut, a gothic girl who has the name of an alcoholic beverage, a kid who giggles at random moments, a stupid kid who destroys his entire family name, a ginger who dyed his hair black with blue highlights who just randomly shows up, and a giant man who is a teacher and gamekeeper. How does this even work out?)** Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. **(I'm pretty sure if you are in a band unless you are in a hospital puking your brains out, or even in a hospital for depression, you are obligated to show up to practice, especially if you are in a band.)** I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists **(If I knew someone was doing self harm to themselves I would try to do something about it and not just sit there like good ole' (I think) Ebony is doing right now.)** (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too **(damn)**and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) **(Let's look upwards to the last paragraph shall we? You just said in the paragraph that you sound like a CROSS between three bands. That is writing cross you ridiculous dimwit! It is also writing cross even when you put little dashes between the letters so in other words you fail.)** last or a steak) **(A piece of red meat cooked to 360 could kill a vampire! Next time I run into one I'll be sure to try that.)** and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. **(Haha! Yes because that film sure could put me to tears! I had nightmares for weeks after watching it!)** I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs **(slut)**and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **(I just dress like one, that's all.)**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' **(That is called plagiarism you talentless wannabes! You can't just be stealing other bands songs and calling them yours unless you have legal permission which nobody would ever give you!)**and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. **(Which would be my typical reaction as well, hearing these people trying to sing must make the people who hear them cry because it is so awful!)**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice. (**Concerted: mutually contrived or agreed on... ?)**

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. **(Whoa, why are you yelling at the only friend you have when alls she did was asked if you were ok?)**And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! **(Who's Harry? You mean Vampire?)** But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" **(Four uses of unnecessarily using the world fuck in every sentence. I must say that is a record.)** I burst into tears. **(Didn't you just burst into tears a minute ago?)**

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. **( A wall? He jumped out from behind a wall? Like Casper the friendly ghost? I must say that is quite stalkerish! Is he going to continue to do that throughout the rest of the story?)**

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) **(Not at all. That was totally in character. Draco is always known to snap and call people poser muggle bitches. Blood traitor would be more like it.)**

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. **(We get it. You were all terribly sad. Someone needs a group hug!)**

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery **(Fiery eyes means that you need to go to the nearest muggle store and buy some Visine!) **and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache. **(Oh shit! Things are about to go down now!)**

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. **(Nobody is as wise as Dumbledore. He is so wise that even his tears pour out in a wise form.)** ((c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **(You just said he couldn't die that way and I quote; " I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s) This** **is utterly without suspense!)**

Thanks for reading and waiting so long for this chapter. My apologies. Chapters 11 and 12 will be coming in a few days.


	11. Chapter 11

Hey everyone! Thanks for staying with the story and sorry for the long wait. I'm overwhelmed by the reviews I got saying my commentary has been good so far so thank you so much!

Now here's the long awaited and highly anticipated chapter 11!

Chapter 11.

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! **(Flaming up: The action in which all the prepz reading this story burst into flames and reduce to ash**.) c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 **(I'm quite positive it will be!)** it delz wit rly sris issus! **(The next Mother Theresa giving us advice on serious issues, this should be entertaining.)** sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! **(Raven! Stop existing!)**

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! **(Because during the hiatus after the last chapter she managed to watch "The Corpse Bride." Such a horrifying movie that is!)** B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off **(What a great friend you are! Asshat.)** and I ran to my room crying myself. **(Crying herself, instead of having others cry for her? I am dumbfounded at how this works. By the way why do you keep crying? I understand that Draco killed himself (somehow, I'm still trying to figure that out when she said that he can't do that the last chapter) but come on! She has started to cry for the last three paragraphs!)** Dumbledore chased after me shouting **(Dumbledore doesn't chase, let alone shout even if he does have a headache! He just swears at you then.)** but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. **(He can do whatever the hell he wants. He is the headmaster so if he or anyone else believes you are a danger to yourself or others he has every damn right to barge into your room unannounced!)  
><strong>  
>Anyway, I started crying tears of blood <strong>(Again? Stop with the teary blood thing, it's getting old and once again it's impossible to do if you're a vampire!) <strong>and then I slit both of my wrists. **(Here we go again with the self harming like it's a completely natural thing to do! You KNOW you can't die by slitting your wrists Ebony so you doing this is a complete waste of time! Kind of like reading the original story other than for laughs! And why would you do the same thing when you know that your supposed boyfriend just died by performing this action? Ugh. Stupid teenage girl.)** They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath **(Really? I always take a bath with my clothes **_**on**_**!)** angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. **(Please, let the stereo fall in the bathtub and electrocute her to put an end to this story!)** I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. **(I wonder if it was a T-Bone and well done? Filet mignon perhaps?) **I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. **(Sandly? So you have sand in your dress? I know from experience that sand in the clothes is very uncomfortable.)** I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends **(Shouldn't your fucked up fashion choices be the least of your concerns right now? And pink metal stuff, I totally know exactly what your talking about!)** and six pairs of skull earrings. **(Six pairs of earrings? Yikes.)** I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… **(I always used to do that before I went to bed at night. Sadly the police were called multiple times for 'disturbing the peace.')** Snap **(Snap?)** was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! **(Um... a Hogwarts student just died. Why would they care about you at this particular moment? Shouldn't they be having a teachers meeting because of this unfortunate incident? And who is Loopin? Is he the twin brother of Remus Lupin, the werewolf who resigned in year three because he was an animagus? And he was chewing (masticating=chewing) to your naked image? Or he was chewing on the videotape. That can't be good for the teeth. However,maybe he was chewing Snap! That's a mental image you'll never get out of your head! Awkward...)** They were sitting on their broomsticks. **(Righteous!)**

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! **(Wait. How are you naked when you just got dressed? Did you **_**lie **_**to me?) **ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" **(A true pedophile wouldn't be sitting on their broomsticks still looking at you as you caught them in the act.)** I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. **(I'm not sure how many bands she has mentioned in this story so far, I lost track after they were going to a Good Charlotte concert or whatever it was. Either way, why does a man have to be on your body at all times Ebony? I think someone's a little desperate.)** Suddenly Vampire ran in. **(Perv! You can't come in Ebony's room! You're a boy and because of this boyhood you have going on you look like a pervert when going into Ebony's room, just ask the original author!)**

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. **(Fail at an unforgivable curse. And since when is Vampire known to use unforgivable magic trick like curses? Oh and did Vampire get pregnant as well? I must have missed that part of this crazy messed up story.) **I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times **(Where can a person pick up a gun with so much ammo? I don't even think the military guns have that many bullets in them. And a 'gazillion' is fictitious number you twat. By the way not listening to Voldemort and his wise words of wisdom about shooting Vampire with that gun was not the best idea you could ever have. Who else thinks that next chapter Voldemort should avada kedavra her for disobeying his orders?) **and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. **(What a perv that Dumblydore is! Going in to someone else's room!)** "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk. **(Dumblydore can't make people appear randomly out of thin air! He's good but he's not that good. And I hope Hargrid runs off that broom straight into the Hogwart's lake where the grindylows will feast on his flesh!)**

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" **(Who is talking right now and how is a man born in 1928 a student? In my state I think they kick you out of high school when you reach 21! Then again a kid who graduated with me was there for five years so who knows. Either way, as Tara kindly points out next chapter in her authors notes, "You cant have pervs in the school system," or something related to that makes it a bit disturbing that a man who is 82 years old- (I'm going by this year, 2011) and is still a student is very very fucked up and needs to go to a nursing home or somewhere where people can help him with his issues. I'm not sure what all his issues are but he's bound to have some in this.)**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **(Here we go, issue number one. But what does this have to do with anything? Silly HaRgirid. This has to be the second best line in the entire fanfic and at this point I would be immensely surprised if anyone was a Catholic, Atheist, or any other religion for that matter.)**

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice **(This sentence makes me have a craving for rice krispies. Haha geddit? ;) SNAP is the dude on the rice krisie box and he spoke in a "crisp voice." Hahaha! This fic is seriously starting to mess with my head and sanity!)** as blood dripped from his hand **(Ok,rice krispies and blood- I think I'll pass.)** where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. **(When did Dumblydore shoot him? I thought Dumblydore was super upset because Ebony shot him with a gun that had a gazillion bullets in it? Hence the dramatic NOOOOOOOO. This is just getting worse and worse as the fic goes on.)** "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. **(This actually made sense to me. You can't even imagine the shock on my face right now.)**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. **(Don't bring elephants into this, elephants are cool.)** "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" **(Ohh badass twin brother Loopin has it all figured out! He's going to school you Ebony!)  
><strong>  
>I felt faint, <strong>(I do too. In fact I am guessing anyone who has read this fanfic this far is feeling faint because of the brutal illiteracy.)<strong> more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. **(Because everyone knows that feeling.)**

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. **(what the hell is a clook, a cloak made out of clock parts? If so, please keep that part of your life in your pants Mr. Loopin. )**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. **(I can relate to this in so many ways!)**

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **(I don't even think I want to know what this sounds like. I guess Tara just thought "I cant think of anymore gothic bands so I must have make 50 cent more kewl n goffic. This will get me the reviews from rap luversssss111! I want Kanye West to screw this Hargid up over big time.)**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice **(I don't know about Snap but I can't imagine Snape sounding afraid)** cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan. **(BWHAHAHAHA! Yep, that's totally the reason! Silly naive Snap, being "goff" doesn't necessarily mean you are connected to Satan.)**

"Because I LOVE HER!" **(Of course you do.)  
><strong> 

That's the end of this amazing chapter. I'm still waiting for her to explain to us what these serious issues are. Stay tuned for chapter 12 and 13, coming this week!


	12. Chapter 12

I'm baaaackk!

I know, I fail so much for not updating lately. At least now I have a short break from college (until Wednesday) so I am hoping to get three chapters finished until then. Again, sorry for my absence I will try better to update more often.

Now here we go, chapter 12, which I believe is the longest chapter in this fic. Good luck!

AN: stop f,aing ok **(what exactly is f,aing and do I need life insurance to cover it? )**hargrid is a pedo 2**(Maybe in your world... I can see it now Tara, "To Catch a Predator"- The gothic Harry Potter edition. You also said Hargrid was a Hogwarts student! So how is he that and a pedophile at the same timg? Ugh. This is going to be a looong chapter.) **a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat **(Students can teach in America? Since when? Plus it is usually a HUGE deal if teachers try anything sexual on a student meaning they could get fired and lose their job and go to prison and become homeless because they cant get another job because of what they did to said student. So please, tell me about all of these teachers!) **I wunted 2 adres da ishu!** (You did that fairly well! Kind of like the people who gave assemblies at my high school, I didn't know what you were talking about half of the time and you were contradictory!) **how du u no snap iant kristian **(Because it didn't say so in the book, hell Snap's name wasn't even in the book! And because of that, adding religious aspects to a persons life that you don't know he has, for no reason, is stupid.)** plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebonydat was sedric ok!**(Who is Sedric and where did he come from? I believe "Cedric" the long lost brother of Sedric is dead, isn't he? And did Ebony just drink some polyjuice potion and turn into Cho Chang making "Sedric" fall in love with her? That's bad brotherhood right there. Very bad brotherhood indeed. )**

**^Basically all of this paragraph is her making up random excuses to explain the god awful story she wrote. **

I was about to slit my wrists again **(I really hope it kills her this time considering it is now common to do such a thing.)**with the silver knife** (A weapon that could actually work on canon characters at Hogwarts? Finally!) **that Drago **(Drago=Draco's pet dragon.)**had given me in case anything happened to him. **(In this sentence Draco sounds a bit like Draco! I can imagine him telling people beforehand what to do if something were to happen to**_** him**_**.)** He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together. **(Kind of like Romeo and Juliet, only not as romantic and certainly not as sensical.)**

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire. **(Next time you write a sentence it would be much more entertaining for the reader if you had a point!) **He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" **(Seriously? Having Vampire aka Harry Potter say OMFG is the equivalent of Draco ever associating with the triplets. And wasn't she about to slit her wrists? Where did all these people come from!)** and then... his eyes rolled up!**(Like in those creepy horror movies? That's the scariest thing you've put in here yet! Next to The Corpse Bride...)** You could only see his red whites. **(LOL! Red whites? Although it is almost the The Fourth of July, having red whites makes me assume that Ebony is color blind because red cannot be white! They are two different colors! And did Vampire just pull a Casper and appear from behind the wall?)**

I stopped. "How did u know?" **(How did he know that his scar was hurting? It's a wonder to me!)**

"I saw it! **(No, dear fellow wizard magician vampire like person, magic or not, you can't see through your skull. It is impossible.)** And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" **(How exactly do you know that? Unless you are standing in front of a mirror you cannot see your forehead!)**

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **(You thought wrong! But I guess we all did because Tara told us a few chapters back that his scar was no more.)**

"I do but Diabolo **(Another name change! Satan's twin brother is going to be pissed when you die and meet him.)** changed it into a pentagram for me **(Ummm... no.)** and I always cover it up with foundation."** (Is it white foundation that matches your ever so lovely goffic pale skin tone?)** he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! **(Pfft. Harry Potter doesn't need saved, he's The Boy Who Freaking Lived! This statement would never happen! Stupid girl.) **then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco...Volfemort has him bondage!" **(That's some pretty kinky stuff right there. I also adore the random quote marks.)**

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. **(This is the 9 billionth time you slit your wrists! You never needed to recover before! Why is it that all of a sudden you need to recover now? And didn't Vampire interrupt you before you could slit them. Ugh. I am completely clueless as to whats going on right now)** Snap and Loopin and HAHRID **(What a twist! A new name change.)** were there too. They were going to St. Mango's **('s- the hospital for sick and unripened fruit. Last time I checked the three people going there were not fruits, but for some reason it wouldn't surprise me if the author decided to unexpectedly change their human form.)** after they recovered cause they were pedofiles **(For the record, St. Mungo's is the hospital you freaking moron, you're thinking of Azkaban-they would get sent there! I swear if she puts Bellatrix in this thing I'm going to make it my life long mission to find her.)** and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. **(Hot girls? From what I can tell this school get rid of anyone moderately pretty and replaced them with gothic wannabe rejects who wear more makeup than a person in Cirque Du Soleil.) **Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. **(Because doing this won't make Dumbledore look like a pervert what so ever!)** I put up my middle finger at them. **(Like you always do to solve your stupid problems. I also would not recommend flipping off your teachers, if they ever get out of the hospital for fruit, oh here go hell come!)**

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses. **(He came into your bed? We don't need any more poorly written sex scenes Tara. Abstain!)**

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses. **("A v. voice"- I am going to say that v stands for verbalism which means undue attention to words alone. It makes a good definition for this story.)**

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, (**(That doesn't stop you from wearing the color in Chapters 1 and 11) **and I don't like fucked up preps like you." **(But...but he was singing a totally goth version of a 50 Cent song for you! He can't be a prep! Didn't you get the memo? Gothic people always sing 50 Cent!)** I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik. **(I'm pretty sure that wasn't the only reason he was mean to you.)**

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses." **(She's mad because they're pink! Not because they are roses, the pink part! Even I got that Hargrid!)**

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" **(She did it. She finally made a thing such as roses goth.)** I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. **(Why would any person be mad if they got roses? I would be happy!) **

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. **(How did he save her life? If this did happen before Hargrid needs to get shot along with anyone else who tries to save this Mary Sue.)** "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene **(Only unlike Paris Hilton, your video wouldn't sell.)** and being vued by Snap and Loopin." **(But Snap and Loopin already saw it happen in real life! Who cares if they view it again when they already saw it happen before!) **and Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) **(Yes, everything you wrote but the IS is spelled wrong.) **to it he added silently. **(He can talk silently and yell angrily at the same time. That's pretty intense.)**

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. **(I'm not sure about Hargrid but Hagrid doesn't have a wand! The Ministry of Magic broke it so he uses an umbrella. READ THE BOOKS. Or because you obviously have the attention span of a goldfish, wikipedia it. )** "These aren't roses." **(That's right, they are monkshood which according to google can kill a dinner guest!)** He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye **(Yes! Hargrid is famous for his evil looks and badass wand skills.)** and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! . **(Here is my face right now: O_o)**

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. **(I am insulted that you associated that word with yourself.)**

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. **(Screaming KILLS your vocal chords! I am trying to get into voice acting so I would know that! And saying a spell does not require you to warm up! How, how does that help Hargrid! Actually I hope in a future chapter we get to see this vocal chord warm up so Voldemort can sing his spells "AVADAAAAA KEDEVRAAAAA!" Am I the only one who would find that amusing?)** "Petulus merengo **(merengo? You mean mArengo, a way to cook food?)** mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!) **(Apparently I am not a cool goffic MCR fan or I would understand that. I think this is more of an insult than a tribute.) (Translation**:**Something something something My Chemical Romance, got it.)** imo noto okayo!" **(Translation: "I'm an idiot" in a made up language which she tries to make sound fancy but fails.** **This is basically a very poorly disguised MCR song which makes this "spell" 100 times more pathetic.)**

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. **(Way to be redundant- YET AGAIN! But was it black too?)** Now I knew he wasn't a prep. **(Alls someone has to do to be unpreppy is start a fire.)**

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" **(I think Drako might be Draco's second pet dragon. I could be wrong though. I've never heard of a Drako until just now. I'm curious what the fuck **_**is**_** a Drako? Can you clarify a bit?) **

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. **(Which I am going to assume everyone has done once while reading this.)** I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing. **(Told ya she was color blind!)**

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. **(He was watching you watch the flame? And where did he come from?)** "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) **(Please quite stabbing my soul with this nonsense.)** u mst find urslf 1st, k?" **(This hilariousity of a sentence just baffles my mind. Anyone care to explain it to me? I have candy! =P Overall I think Dumblydore is a bit drunk or off his rocker! How does Tara even understand this?) **

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. **(Bwahaha! Insult #4! Or are we up to five now?)** dUMBLydore lookd shockd. **(Maybe because you called him a mean old man in a rude manner?)** I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back. **(Hell yeah he would have! He would be pissed! You do not want to mess with Dumbledore when he hasn't taken some excedrin migraine pills.)**

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!" **(Way to go Hargrid, let's **_**cause **_**the headache for Dumbledore! This won't get you killed!) **

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. **(You need to go shopping for some non ripped clothes, Enoby.)** There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) **(You look like a girl who drowned in a well, you must look gorgeous.)** and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. **(Here we go again with the clown makeup.) **

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. **(*rereads sentence" Oh hell no! She did not just try to speak Japanese! The country has enough problems at the moment due to the tsunami/earthquake, they do not need to be dealing with you fucking up their language! Please, stick to only destroying one language or I'm going to set some ninjas on your ass! This is too much!)** "Fangs (geddit) **(WE GEDDIT! YOU MADE THIS PUN 20+ TIMES!)** you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. **(I do this all of the time! In fact, I just did this three minutes ago. Minus the sucking all of the blood out, that would kill me.)** I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. **(Aren't they supposed to be heading to the hospital for fruit loops?)** I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. **(Lol. Redundancy alert! And why is there a class such as this! It sounds as stupid as the class I was forced to take called 'Life After High School.')** He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. **(But he left Draco for a prep so the love in now vanquished and gone forever!)** He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. **(Seriously, where are all the teachers and/or authority figures at this school who could stop this! Why aren't they doing their damn jobs!) **

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. **(As he's still draining the Hufflepuff.)** "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way. **(wqually sounds like a name of a video game character.)**

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. **(Let's compare someone to your dead boyfriend after he killed himself. THIS isn't weird what so ever.)** Then... we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. **(Am I supposed to act surprised?)**

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle **(AHA! Insult #5, Professor McGoogle/McGonagall has the best insults! This is her second one and it is one of my favorites!)** who was watching us and so was everyone else. **(You started getting it on in the middle of the classroom during class, you actually expect people to not look at you as if you were a bunch of horny simpletons?) **

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. **(Bitch)** "Stop trying to screw me. **(NO! You jumped on EACH OTHER! And Professor McGoggle was shouting at both of you, therefore meaning both of your faults for trying to screw!)** You know I loved Draco!" **(Loved meaning not anymore, therefore meaning people can have feelings for you, why they would is beyond me.) **I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then... his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **(Wait a minute, I think I read this before...)**

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco...Volfemort has him bondage!"

**Oh that's right I HAVE head this before. Earlier in the same damn chapter! *headdesk***

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111 **(WTF if she was supposed to rit dis then why did you have a go at it? Not that it matters because the story was going to suck anyways but seriously, why did you even attempt to carry on with this story?)**

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I **(Ok, so you yell at her and then you ask her where your sweater is. If I was Raven I would burn the sweater and then your house.)**

Thanks for reading! My computer shut down while I was writing this and I didn't save my document so I had to rewrite and reread this two freaking time! I hope you all enjoy! Chapter 13 coming soon. On the bright side, it's not as long as this one. Have a Happy 4th everyone!


	13. Chapter 13

Apologies, apologies, apologies, for not updating like a cool kid! I would have updated sooner but I got beat up after flipping off the preps at my college. XD Ok, not really, but I would love to see that happen in this story.  
>One of the triplet sisters: I flipped off da prepz cuz dey r preps and preps remind me nothing of MCR or SEXXXX!<br>Suddenly a very muscular girl came over to one of the triplets, obviously very mad by her vulgar hand gesture.  
>"What da fuck you flipping us off for fool! I'm gonna beat yo ass! Xena! Gabrielle! Hand me my machete!"<p>

Yes something like that happening would make the story go much smoother. Lol!  
>On a side note, my life has been pretty crazy these last few weeks. I had a garage sale and some lady thought it would be awesome to inform me that her eye doctor told her not to drive for another two weeks yet she has been driving ever since that appointment! How lovely! She was even wearing those dark glasses that you get at the eye doctors once they dilate your eyes for some reason. Once she left I was thinking to myself "That is such an incredibly Ebony thing to do." Then "Oh no! I haven't updated the fanfic in forever! I hope nobody put the Crookshanks curse on me! I'm very grateful that you guys haven't done that. You have all been really supportive and I seriously can't thank you enough for that.<p>

However, I CAN give you another chapter of this. Prepare yourselves!

AN: raven fangz **(She got the second word wrong. We're all doomed.)** 4 gelpin **(Gelpin? Is that some kind of gelatin that comes inside a pen?)** me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! (So you thank her and then steal her poster? PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG! **(Got that preps? Stop endangering the flamingos! They deserve more respect!)**

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.** (Well if you are looking for headache Dumbledore you have every right to be scared!)**

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. **(Haha! Dumblydore! You all have no idea how long I have been waiting to get to this point just so I can start calling him that!)** Dumbledore came there. **(That sounded a bit sexual I must admit. Because the most awesome person in this story has nothing better to do then come out of his room from drinking tea and putting his wise memories into the pensieve so he can listen to you guy's ridicule his name!)**

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily. **(Insult #5, I think? Because Dumbledore, the most wise and powerful wizard ever who is 115 years old always talks that way.)**

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time. **(Well that's cool. If it was VolDemort that might be a more serious issue. I think Volsemort must be the name of Voldemort's official fanclub. )**

He laughed in an evil voice. **(Evil laugh? That's more of a Bellatrix thing. She must have used some polyjuice potion and changed herself into Dumblydore! For some reason that wouldn't surprise me considering this story has all kinds of twists and turns of the non logical persuasion.)**

"No! Don't! **(Don't laugh in an evil voice? Uh, too late.)** We need to save Draco!" we begged. **(How can you save someone when they are already dead and have been dead for atleast 24 hours! It is impossible even in the wizarding world of Harry Potter or whatever this fanfic is supposed to be based off of.)**

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. **(Oh darn! Saying darn totally makes up for how you called them mother fuckers in chapter 4!) **Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." he said while he frowned looking at me. **(The Ministry of Magic would not approve of you letting a child die just because you don't like his retarded girlfriend or how much he misbehaved! Alls you did was find them having sex in the Forbidden Forest, Dumblydore!) **"Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away. **(You didn't like him yet you were crying when he died...**) Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. **(Draco doesn't belong to specifically one person. Like Dobby, he is a free person and isn't bound to anyone you despicable snob!)** (AN: don't u fik **(Fik? Fickle!) **gay guyz r lik so hot!) **(I think that they dress nicely and that you are bringing shame on the gay community by adding their sexual orientation into this. But a few chapters ago you said something in your authors note about about how you didn't like fag's or something of that sort. Either way you contradicted yourself and fail at life.) **

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. **(Maybe because saying "it's okay!" to people usually doesn't help anything. Especially if the person he used to go out with just died!)** He started to cry tears of blood. **(Of course he did. Wouldn't be a complete chapter without someone doing that.)** Then he had a brainstorm. **(Kind of like Jimmy Neutron used to do when he was on tv, only this guy can't hope to be as intelligent as a freaking cartoon character.)** "I had an idea!" he exclaimed. **(I'm sure your idea was a doozy...)**

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. **(No! I think she wanted to know what your brilliant brainstorming idea was! Saying you'll see does not answer the question!)** He took out his wand and did a spell. **(Unless your marvelous idea of a spell is taking her to a dark alley and beating her until she is unconscious I don't think I want to know what the spell is.)** Then... suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair! **(You apparated to Voldemprt's lair- the wannabe fanclub of the official Volsemort's which isn't as cool. By the way if you were trying to spell the name Voldemort, the name of the real Dark Lord he doesn't have a lair. Also, you need a license to apparate and Hogwart's has spells that prevent you from doing that on the school grounds. Plus, I doubt Voldemort wouldn't have protection against such "mediocre" spells in his lair.)**

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. **(Croon voice? What the bloody hell is that and how can I start talking in a croon voice?)** "Allah Kedavra" **(You should make it a point to know your enemies before busting into their lair Ebony. By the way did Voldemort just turn Muslim? Ugh. Why do she feel the need to state every characters religion?) **

It was... Voldemort! **(OMG! Voldemort was in the unofficial fan clubs lair? I would have never guessed that in a million years! He more than likely killed them all for starting that club without his permission.)**

Well I'm glad that is over with! By the way who is extremely excited to see Deathly Hallows pt. 2? I wanted to go to the midnight premiere but nobody is willing to take me and I know where to buy tickets and everything! Darb my 20 year old licencelessness! ='( I'm not even going to lie, I will more than likely cry at the end.

But anyways, chapter 14, coming shortly!


	14. Chapter 14

It's official: I suck at updating and everyone whos following this deserves a big cookie-cake with rainbows and smiles because I haven't updated in awhile thanks to my college class. Only two classes left though including the exam and I'm freeeeeee and more chapters will be posted. I'm hoping to get this entire thing finished by summer but we'll see how that goes. Wednesday everyone in class had to read their group projects outloud to everyone else in the class and let me tell you, that's a good way to torture someone for two hours. At least the original fanfic of this is somewhat humorous!

By the way, if you haven't seen the new Harry Potter movie yet, do so. NOW. I loved it and am actually going to see it again this Sunday. I am not ashamed to admit that I cried in the first 3 seconds when the sad music ("Lily's Theme") started playing. I am going to miss Harry Potter badly.

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! **(Now what fun would that be? I think she actually just told herself to fuck herself which is a very disturbing thought.)** Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. **(Hahahahahaha, oh wow... I'm sorry this is a rly sris issu, I shouldn't be laughing.)** PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws! **(I have no clue why she says this, nobody gave her 10 god revoiws and she would just keep updating the story anyways.)**

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. **(SCRAY? SCRAY! Perhaps new word for stray as in a stray cat? If she was going for scary I can only assume that this chapter is so scary that it's hilarious. Kind of like bad scary movies where the kids go into the haunted house alone and do stupid things to get themselves decapitated and what not. )** VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. **(And I refuse to believe that a person could only spell two two lettered words right after WARNING.) **

We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. **(Hold up just a damn second, at the end of the last moronic chapter you stated, and I quote: "We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra"  
>It was... Voldemort!" But now it isn't Voldemort in your peripheral vision, it's the fat guy who killed Cedric? Which brings me to another point, his name is Voldemort, not Volcemort you name twisting bitch and the fat guy is named Peter Pettigrew, who only has the most coolest name in the entire books.)<strong> Draco was there crying tears of blood. **(Voldemort doesn't talk to, let alone want anything to do with wussies. He gets right to the point and kills them. Same goes for his death eater party.) **Snaketail was torturing him. **(Snaketail? Who's that, the fat guy who killed Cedric aka WORMTAIL. I mean, improvision is great, just not in this the way has no right to torture! That is not his job!) **Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail. **(How does that help?)**

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" **(#6 on the insult list! Weren't they despicable snobs last chapter? At least he understands that they are really preps. Way to go Wormtail!)** he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun **(So to rid his sight of you, you must shoot him in the eye. With the gun. That was intended to kill Vampire Potter that motherfucker. And you are shooting at Voldemort's subordinate with the gun he gave you? Have fun with that before he sends you to your coffin.)** he Then **(Whoah, random capital letter for no reason!)** suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. **(Or they are just glassy because you just shot him and he's about to die. Not everybody loves you Ebony or whoever you are supposed to be right** **now.)** "." he said. **(He said double-quote, period, double quote as he's dying? Yes, I'm sure he said just that Tara, those would be my final words too.)** (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok) **(Does it really matter at this point who's a pedophile and who's not? About 99% of the characters in this story are manly pedophiles or idiotic beyond reason so the age isn't relevant either.)**

"Huh?" I asked. **(He said** **double-quote, period, double quote Ebony! If it was Alan Rickman you'd be listening!)**

"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. **(...8X I'm concerned for his well being and state of mind at the moment. )** I started laughing crudely**.(I'm laughing too, not crudely, because I don't know how to laugh like that,but that last sentence was hilarious.)** "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." **(Not just fucked up, he's a fucked up fucking bastard!** **lol. However that **_**is**_** a bit messed up I must admit. Oh God I'm going to the dark side.)** I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. **(With what? We already clarified that you are too stupid to use a wand, where'd the dagger or knife come from?)** Blood pored out of it like a fountain. **(For some reason "The Circle of Life" was playing in my head as I read that.)**

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. **(As opposed to YEAHHHHHHHH! I JUST GOT STABBED BY A SHE WITCH!)** He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. **(Just like that huh? Not sure about Snaketail, but Wormtail still has a life debt to pay to Harry Potter.)** I brust into tears sadly. **(Even though he wanted to have sex with you were the one that killed him. That's your own fault. Now we will never know if he gets his index finger on his right hand** **back. Thanks Ebony.)**

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. **(I will never tire of Voldemort's old Shakespearian language in this. I think Tara's intentions were to make him sound more threatening by making him talk like that. IT'S TOTALLY WORKING! =P)** Then... he started coming! **(Voldemort get's off on dead corpses of people lesser than him? How very strange.)** We could hear his high heels clacking to us. **(Voldemort is a transvestite in this? Why am I not in shock right now? Whatever, he's the Sark Lord, he can be into drag if he wants.)** So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. **(And Voldemort and his death eaters didn't chase you? You just killed The Dark Lord's helper, he's not going to let you get away that easily. And since there are apparently no boundaries at Hogwart's anymore you're screwed! Set up your own trap there didn't you Tara? By the way, disapparating would have been quicker for all those out there who seem to care.) **We went to my room. Vampire went away. **(Then why was he there is the first place?)** There I started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco **(Did they save him off screen? I could have sworn they just left him there.)** taking off his clothes so we could screw. **(Wasn't he just being tortured? The first thing he wants to do afterwards is have sex? I do not understand this logic Tara. Plus she just killed a person to save you! That's not very sensitive Draco!)** He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) **(That's a knee slapper right there!)** and a really huge you-know-what and everything. **(A really huge candy bar! His good friend Snaketail bought it for him when he was dead!)**

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. (**Yielded means to give up or pause so this reply is way out of context.)** "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here**(This is the sentence that begins her Mary Sue rant! You have been warned.**) except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything." **(B'loody Mary is a Japanese language ruining loser! Emma Watson, the girl who played Hermione in the movies, is pretty I must admit, B'loody Mary just sounds like a weeabo.) **

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco. **(You would know Draco, you probably slept with all of them.)**

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! **(How can anyone be in love with you Ebony? They lust after you, that is not love.) **Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. **(Why are you worried about them? They are in the fruit hospital because Dumblydore was tired of putting up with their OCCness.)** Hargrid says he's in love with me. **(Leave Hargrid out of this. He's just a Hogwart's student in a grown mans body. He has a reasonable excuse to be mentally messed up in the head.)** Vampire likes me **(Nah, he just wanted to screw you.) **and now even Snaketail is in love with me! **(No, you killed Snaketail, meaning he can have no emotions now considering he's dead! You literally 'broke his heart' when he WAS in love with you.)** I just wanna be with you ok Draco! **(Even though I shagged your ex boyfriend, you are the love of my life! What. the. hell.) **Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. **(You just insulted Satan. Way to go, I hope he takes you to the lowest pits of hell and burns you for eternity.)** (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing **(We can tell by her pleasing personality and sunny disposition!)** but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) **(I think whoever told her this were getting paid by the local mafia or on drugs.)** "Im good at too many things! **(Would you mind clarifying for us what you're good at? From what I can tell all you do is cry, have sex with people, say idiotic and pointless things, state MCR RULEZZ! and does not take much talent to do any of the above things.)** WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" **(This entire chapter is a fucking curse!)** I shouted and then I ran away.

So there you have it, chapter 14. This was painful to read but it did have me laughing by the end. Oh Ebony, why must you be so stupid?


	15. Chapter 15

And I'm back. Jordan is freeeeee. Or at least I'm free until September when college starts again which will give me plenty of time to read and review this and start taking my non existant mental meds while doing so. Thanks for being patient. I know I haven't commented on this story in awhile but if it wasn't for everyone here who's read it or is reading it, I probably would have stopped at chapter one.

Again, thanks for reading and I hope this is somewhat worth the wait! It's a short chapter so the next one will be either today or tomorrow. Try to have fun reading this.

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! **(Quick! Let's all flame her at once so she stops existing! This threat fails on so many levels.)** fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein! **(But didn't you just take her totally "sexah" poster of Gerard? Why would she still help you after that?)**

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!" **(Why anyone would want this chick to come back is beyond me.) **

But I was too mad. **(Mad as in insane, at least we finally got that covered. If it's the other kind of mad, then why are you mad at Draco? He didn't do anything you psychotic bitch! He didn't even stab you during your notorious Mary Sue rant!)**

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" I shouted. **(So at first she was upset about being beautiful and perfect and this apparently comes back to Draco wanting to have sex with Vampire. Whaaat?)** I stormed into my room **(After she ran out of it 10 seconds ago. What speed this crazy girl has!)** and closed my black door with my blood-red key. **(Ooh a blood red key! WHICH ISN'T ISSUED BY THE SCHOOL YOU DESPICABLE SNOB! Although a key was never mentioned in the books, from what I recall the girls dormitories have a spell placed around them to keep the boys from entering so how Vampire or Draco got in is beyond comprehension.)** It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. **(Which is stupid. A shirt I can somewhat kind of understand, but a key is just a tad bit ridiculous don't you think? Also, didn't you have a towel with his picture on it as well? Creepy.) **He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. **(Personally I don't think Marilyn Manson is sexy or looks anything like The Boy Who Lived or that Malfoy kid.) **I started to cry and weep. **(Right in front of Draco? Or are we supposed to assume he fled your room after you told him to go have sex with Vampire?) **I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. **(Which again, isn't sanitary what so ever!)** Then I looked at my black GC watch **(GC watch, a google chrome watch? As in you have an internet browser set in watch form? I want one!)** and noticed it was time to go to Biology class. **(Biology class? That's a class for muggles! I'm sure the Slytherins are absolutely peachy about having to take a muggle class! Seriously, why even go to a normal school when you can go to Hogwart's and take **_**biology**_**!) **

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters **(Oh God, here we go with the clothing descriptions again that nobody cares about. Damn it.)** and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my ebony black hair out. **(I drew a picture on paint just to visualize how this looked. Trust me, it does not look good at all. It made her look like a tramp. Remember that before you buy a short black dress with the words Anarchy on it and boots that say Joel.)** Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. **(In this story I do not ever recall you being sad on depressed. Then again, half of the time I thought you were on drugs.)** I did sum advanced Biology work. **(Haha! Advanced! She wants us to think that she knows what science is and that she is so good that she's taking and advanced class!)** I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. **(Um that's not how biology works, unless you are in Transfiguration class with McGonagall who would not stand for that shit!)** Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco! **(LOL! Ok this is where it starts getting good kids. Let's recap this, she went to biology class, turned a BLOODY PENTAGRAM into a guitar, then the guitar turned into a human being. I believe this deserves a WHAT THE FUCK!)**

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. **(But- what happened to EBony? You are two timing her with her sister you bastard!) **"I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. **('In the world' aka this god awful universe)** Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. **(But, he DID commit suicide while being with her! If you recall, he actually killed himself then came back to life unzombified!)** Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!." **(You fucking want to be with her? You fucking love her? *head desk* Well I can't argue with that logic.)** Then... he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" **(I find this song extremely ironic in Draco's situation.)** (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) **(That. Is. . Lame.) **right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic **(How can a voice sound gothic?)** and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, **(Yes, good ole' Chester!) **Pierre **(Is he the guy from Simple Plan? No offense but I've never found his voice to be all that sexxy or good.)** and Marilyn Manson (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot.** (No)** if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) . **(Hahaha! I **_**would**_** say that you should get the fuck out of here but you did because your story got deleted! Bwahahahaha!)**

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. **(O,M,F,G, she said like the prep that she really is.)** Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers**(Conquered the preps by the flip off yet again! TWO flip offs this time. Righteous.)** (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) **(It's hard to give the bird when your hand is entwined with another hand. My hand is pretty small though so maybe I'm wrong.)** at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. **(You fukin h8 dat bitch Hilary Duff yet you watched a movie where she was the main character. That is so freaking stupid!)** Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us **(Whoa, where did he come from? Isn't he supposed to be at the fruit hospital? How'd he get out?)** but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. **(Clapping in your mind maybe. If I saw this I would throw something at you, like a pointy pencil or a dagger.)** Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether. **(Oh joyous event! Another concert with a muggle band! I cannot wait to hear about it! Also, don't you need tickets to get into a concert? Stupid kids.)**

Thanks for reading! Chapter 16 should be up either later tonight or tomorrow. Please try to control yourselves from turning any guitars into human beings in the mean time.


	16. Chapter 16

Here we go, chapter 16! I must say this is one of the worst in the entire story. If you want some laughs beforehand go to youtube and type in "Harry Potter is the Devil!" One of my friends told me to watch that movie awhile ago and it is pretty messed up and for some bizarre reason the lady in the video reminds me of a person who would actually enjoy reading this story.

AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! **(You prove to us that you're not a prep first! You usually can't prove anything over the internet! For all you know I could be a 65 year old man who recently got out of jail for banging a hooker without pay!)** raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet **(Oh dear, someone is PMSing at the momet. How about you give her poster back first bitch? We may never know why Raven stole Tara's sweater. Or 'swteet' as she likes to call it, which reminds me of sweet tea! Off topic: If you go to Myrtle Beach and order plain tea they will put sugar in it anyway's. Just a heads up to anyone planning on going there.)** ur supsd 2 rit dis! **(Then why are you trying to take over her job?)** Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! **(We heard.)** BTW fangz 2 britney5655 **(I searched this girls username. I'm willing to pay someone a shiny quarter if they can find this girl online other than in this story.)** 4 techin muh japnese! **(This really irks me, she already butchers the english language and now she's going to try Japanese which she can't even spell right! On the bright side, ninjas and samurai are from Japan. They ever get a free moment and read this, they'll find you Tara and they will show no mercy.) **

We ran happily to Hogsmede. **(Running happily is completely OOC of you Enoby! Goth,like you claim to be, don't usually run, let alone with a smile on their face. It could ruin your horror movie makeup which you took two paragraphs to explain to us a few chapters ago.) **There we saw the stage where GC had played. **(No way, the stage where GC had played! I'm getting anxious! Google Chrome is making a name for itself I see!)** We ran in happly. **(She is actually capable of having emotions outside sad, depressed, suicidal, and pissed off! I am surprised.)** You now have MCR were there playing 'Helena'.** (Reread that sentence and please tell me what it was supposed to tell us. You now have MCR were there." I am strongly weeping for the English language here.)** I was so fucking happy! **(So you've said...)** Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. **(Even though she flipped out on him last time!)** I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. **(Frenching and moshing at the same time is a terrible idea!)** We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. **(I doubt they would let you 20 feet near the stage.)**Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. **(I like how she says 'the others' as if they don't have names. Oh well, she'd probably mess them up anyway's.)** We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,... Volsemort and da Death Dealers! **(YES! My all time favorite band! You may not know this but da Death Dealers were actually drugs pushers before they became the greatest band known to mankind. I bet the people who paid for the MCR tickets are really mad right now.)**

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them" **(Did Hermione give this girl her time turner? Did we just go back in time? What the hell is going on?) **

"What cause we...you know..." he gadgetted **(do do do do do INSPECTOR GADGET!) **uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what. **(Because you know, men hate talking about sex, all guys are sexually repressed and goffic in the real world! Plus didn't you have sex after the concert? One a daily basis?)**

"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an angry voice. **(I do not know. Please elaborate. Eating tortillas with salsa is not a crime!)**

"We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT." **(An escort is just a fancy name for a high class prostitute. I doubt Enoby will feel great about that Draco.)**

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?" **(Lol! Draco had a sex change operation! What a Christina that makes him!)**

"NO." he muttered loudly. **(I can only wish that **_**I**_** was capable of muttering loudly!)**

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily**.(Ok this is getting ridiculous. Who really cares if someone is a prep? It makes zero sense for you to get angry because of it! Sure, if he's an annoying "Oh my god, I broke a nail!" kind of person 24/7 that would give you a right to hate his annoyingness and most sane people would just avoid talking to them unless it is necessary. Enoby goes all crazy banshee and starts freaking out over the fact that they like pink or whatever it is.)**

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me. **(I want this kid to die. Again. But not come back to life this time.) **

I was flattened **(I urban dictionaried the word flattened. "The name given to someone who is not cool and is dull and boring." This pretty much sums up Ebony and the triplets and characters minus the adults.)** cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me! **(Or he knew the song beforehand and now thinks his life is a musical. Either way, he needs to shut the fuck up.)**

"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room. **(...trying to sew my tongue back into my mouth because Draco bit it off. Turns out, Draco was a Death Dealer too and he didn't want to put up with anymore of my bullshit that could ruin his future so he bit my tongue off so I couldn't tell anyone about our sexual encounters, his supposed death, or his faggotry.)**

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese). **(NO YOU DO NOT! Stop, just stop. Hajimemashite means Hello. I am pleased to make your acquaintance and you are only supposed to use it the very first time you meet! Considering you have met this deranged psychopath before B'loody Mary, that is not proper! By the way, pay close attention to this next sentence, it's one of my favorites.) **"BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!) **(Next time someone I know does something stupid or says something I don't agree with, I'm going to yell; name U FUKIN SUK! FUK U! and see their reactions.)**

"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily.

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. **(Note to self: all of Tim Burton movies are scary and goffic.)** "Maybe Willow will die too." I said. **(That is about as sadistic as Casey Anthony.)**

"Kawai." B'loody Mair **(Who's that? Bloody Mary's baby spawn?)** shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. **(Ignoring the Japanese butchering, energetically and lethargically are two complete opposite words! She cannot shake her head energetically and slowly! Make up your damn mind about which adjective you are going to use!)** "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak." **(Tara is so angry at Raven that she kills off her character with casual murder and rape. Enoby would be wise to report this confession to Dumblydore! And Loopin isn't a damn necrophiliac, he's not even supposed to be at the school! )**

"Kawai." I commnted happily . (**I absolutely love how you find it cute and funny when your best friend gets killed by this wapanese bitch along with getting her body violated!)** We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie. **(How very zen of you.)**

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." I sed. **(No you aren't! You told him that you weren't earlier! Plus you already went to the concert! AHHHH! My head hurts!)** " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA."

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping." **(I am hating the fact that Hermione is now a filler character in this who is only there to speak poor Japanese, nod her head crazily, go shopping for 'hot outfits', and murder Rav- I mean Willow. Seriously, why has Hermione been degraded?)**

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, **(Thumbs up for Hot Topic being In Scotland!)** already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde. **(I'd laugh if she was like "Aw hell no! Hollister!")**

"No." My head snaped up. **(YES! B'loody Mary you may prove yourself to be a worthy character yet! You brought Snape into the story so that can only make for hilarious situations!)**

"WHAT?" my head spuin. **(This reminds me of the exorcist. She really needs to stop doing that.)** I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?" (

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all." **(The real Hogwarts would not stand for such stupid stores! In fact I am guessing Dolores Umbridge would make it her mission in life to burn them to the ground!)**

"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!). **(What did Vampire do? You didn't have a problem before when you were shagging him!)** Or me. **(I would think that you would know if you told her about cool 'goffic' stores near Hogwarts. I swear, this is just further proof that Tara was high while writing this.)**

"Dumblydore." She sed. **(I doubt that Dumblydore said anything to you about shopping without implying something and calling you silly names.)** "Let me just call our broms." **(What is a brom? A new type of cell phone?)**

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly. **(This is all in caps yet you want us to indicate that you were SCREAMING QUIETLY!) **

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me. **(So technically Dumblydore told you nothing. You snuck into his office, looked at the Hogsmeade map then somehow escaped without getting caught. If Dumblydore finds out you are screwed!)** "Come on let's go."

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE **(This sentence made me laugh for 5 minutes straight.) **and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs."

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

"Yah **('but you're not 'goff' so get the hell out of my store you jackwagons!')** u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! **(Tara is actually quite good at describing this guy as a stoner.) **Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." **(First, how do you know Loopin and Snap's names and if you denied selling a Hogwarts professor something you are an idiot. Second, a goffic camera pouch? How oddly specific.)** He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera." **(Everyone has cameras now days crazy stoner dude.) **

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, **(They bought a camera pouch, not a camera, calm thyself. And I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that they are out of St. Mango's, aka Azkaban. They aren't Bellatrix Lestrange and Loopin isn't a 'Death Dealer' so why Vldemort would want to help him is beyond me.) **running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit. **(So it makes you look like a gothic whore. Got it.)**

"Oh my satan **(Be warned: she uses this phrase frequently in the future chapters.)** you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said. **(The salesperson is gay and has no sympathy towards her situation.)**

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary.**(Unless it is about to be set on fire I am almost positive she doesn't look hot in anything.)**

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. **(Because giving away your merchandise to people for free shouldn't get you fired! And now that I think about it, doing so would make great profit for the business!)** Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked. **(There's a concert tonight?)**

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA way what's yours?" **(To divide herself further away from Raven she changed the part of her name that used to be RAVEN to TARA.)**

"Tom Rid." He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. **(Apparently Vldemort and Tom Riddle- oh come one, we all know what she was driving at by taking out 3 letters- are now two completely different people!)** "maybe I'll see you there tonight." **(I think this Tom Rid guy has an ulterior motive for wanting to see her there.) **

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" I yelled angrily, **(Riight, anyone who asks if you are going to a concert is a SICK FUCKING PERV, even though he has no idea that you have a boyfriend. What a twisted perv that guy is!)** but before he could beg me to go with him, **(Why would he want to anyway?)** Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. **(Not sure about HaRgrid, but Hagrid can't fly a broom as stated in a previous chapter.)** "OMFG EBONDY **(Holy shit they're multiplying! Quadruplets!) **EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!" **(I LIKE YELLING IN CAPS TO GET MY POINT ACROSS!)**

That was way too long. Chapter 17 coming soon! By soon I mean soon, not next month. Thanks for reading!


	17. Chapter 17

Hi everyone! Sorry for the delay on this chapter! But on the bright side we can all just think of how Harry Potter totally annihilated Twilight at the Teen Choice Awards! I watch these award shows **every year** and I scream at the television _**every year **_when none of the people I like win. Not to mention the terrible writing and unfunniness of the entire award show usually brought on by the host. And in my opinion having a category titled "choice vampire" is incredibly moronic.

But other than that, I bring you chapter 17 of "My Immortal." I shall try to respond to my reviews once this is posted!

AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! **(And I said no,no,no.) **if ur a prep den dnot red it! **(That's like telling people to actually read the rules before signing up for a website, nobody is going to listen** **to you whether they are a goth,a prep, or any other stereotype!** **Oh how I wish I had a link to that quiz!)** u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage.(**Does she still have a homepage? I wasn't around for this quiz but I'm guessing that's why some people typ lyk diz on quizilla or put in their own insert self characters when making their quizzes and then have their characters scream at you through the computer screen because DRACO IS MINE! or whatever it is they say. FYI I'm obviously not a big quizilla fan.)** if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! **(I don't even understand how someone could possibly foooook off. The word Fook is a 1992 album by a band called Pigface that I have never heard of. But either way, I will not be fucking or fooking off until I have this fanfic completed!)** pz willo isn't rely a prep. **(The dead girl isn't a prep, good thing you got that covered, I was getting worried!)** Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr! **(Why do you still even have that poster? No wonder she isn't writing for you anymore! But please take note, Tara does wish to get back together with her bosom buddy.)**

Tom Riddle **(Wasn't it Tom Rid before? Told you it was the same guy! But what is The Dark Lord's purpose for even existing as a gothic 16 year old?) **gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. **(Which again, will get his ass fired. A fellow employee had to have seen him give away the merchandise.)** He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). (**If you're into fashion, you must be bisexual! Stupid Tara quit stereotyping people!) **Hargird kept shooting at us **(With a gun? From now on I shall call him Hardcore Hargrid!)** to cum back 2 Hogwarts. **(Please quite confusing 'come' and 'cum' it twists the meaning! Also I thing Hardcore Hargrid is trying to get himself a place in A Very Potter Threequel.) **"WTF Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you fjucking bastard." **(She doesn't even know what he's talking about! **_**I**_** don't even know what he's talking about! He asks you to go back to the castle so you call him a fjucking bastard. FJUCKING. Try saying that out loud. If that's supposed to be a Japanese word for 'fuck' I do believe she messed up the spelling. And again, what's with the hostility towards adults in this story? Wait no, I take that back, Hardcore Hargrid is a Hogwart's student, I forgot.)** Well anyway Willow came. **(She's dead! How can she go anywhere when you killed her off! This happened not even 2 chapters ago! There you have it, Willow aka RAVEN's character get's killed off and raped mercilessly but we are supposed to think that whole entire thing never happened.)** Hargird went away angrily. **(Maybe he's pissed because Willow's alive again without any explanation!)**

"Hey bitch you look kawaii." **(For the record, native Japanese don't use the word kawaii as much as this idiot likes to think.)** she said. **(Great idea! Call your dead friend a bitch then call her cute to make up for that insult! At least she spelled kawaii right this time, even if it was somewhat out of context.)**

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything. **(Why would that make you sad? If you're not crying tears of blood I say we can move on and forget about it.)** She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, **(I literally went to the store after reading this chapter and asked if they sold any clothing the color of black-blood-red. The sales person looked at me like I was the biggest idiot she's ever seen, for a good reason! I believe it's safe to say that black-blood red is not a color.)** The sales person leather fish-nets **(That sounds extremely uncomfortable!)** and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. **(Shoes cannot show ones paleness. I am pale myself but I don't think black pointy boots would help me look even **_**more**_** pale considering they would cover up my feet.)** She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. **(Good Lord.)** She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic. **(Being anorexic is a serious medical condition, not a compliment! And unless you are Barbie or Pamela Anderson you can't have 'big bobs' and be super skinny. I give her credit though, it surprised me when she spelled anorexic right.)**

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked. **(Didn't she already go to the concert with him?)**

"Yah." I said happily. **(I love how Ebony and the triplets think they are 'goff' yet continue to do things happily and wear pink.)**

"I'm gong with Diabolo." she anserred happily. **(Incase you forgot Diabolo= Ron Weasley.)** Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. **(They were obviously on drugs yet again!)** Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said '666' on it. **(Which makes him look stupid. To the extreme.)** He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. **(Which makes him look even worse than before.)** Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt **(Man, Google Chrome is sure making a name for itself in this world.)** and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. **(Kind of like "da astronomy tower" only for warping.)** B'loody Mart **(Oh great, a gothic Tara version of a Walmart!)** was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. **(YES! Dracola, my new favorite drink! It was in stores for a limited amount of time, kind of like some Snapple flavors.)** Dracola used to be called Navel **(You mean Neville? The guy who isn't named another word for belly button?) **but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth **(starting to sound familiar to anyone?)** and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash. **(1. That would be a suckish way for a Vampire to die. 2.B'loody Mary has a back story 100% identical to this one!) **Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. **(NO WAY! Nobody is a Satanist or goth in this story! Navel is such a rebel!)** He was in Slitherin now. **(Again, switching houses- doesn't work that way and doesn't occur often.)** He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, **(Wurped? WTF is a 'wurped'?)** black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now. **(As for Dracula, that name's been taken! I personally liked Navel better!)** Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens **(So you gave Mr. Weasley back his flying car I'm assuming? That would be the **_**right **_**thing to do.)** (geddit cuz wer gpffik) **(Since when? You sure make your gothicness subtle.)** that his dad Lucian gave him. **(LUCIAN? Isn't that a character from the Underworld movies? And the Malfoy's despise muggles, why would the real father of Draco's give him a muggle product such as a car?)** We did pot, coke and crak. **(Aren't crack and coke the same thing? Hence crack cocaine? Either way they are going to take affect on these kids eventually sometime soon in this chapter.)** Draco and I made out. **(This is starting to sound very similar to what happened before the last concert, only more people are in attendance!)** We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. **(You made fun of yourselves? You guys have some pretty low self esteem.)** We soon got there...I gapsed. **(She needs to quit gasping before someone chokes her so she can't breathe.)**

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! **(NO HE'S NOT! Want to know who da sexiest guy ever is? Fabio. Fabio has won 'da sexiest' award like 25 times! I don't think Gerard was ever even nominated! So haha, fail again Tara!) **He locked even sexier den he did in pix.**(I recall reading something EXACTLY LIKE THIS IN THE LAST CHAPTER! Only if I recall correctly it was "Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures." Yeah I totally copied an pasted that. And everyone has Google Images so if we want to stare at Gerard, you don't have to describe him.)** He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. **(I think I read somewhere that he has hazel eyes. Unless he is wearing colored contacts you need to get YOUR eyes checked!)** He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. **(An ethnic voice huh? I think she really took it to a whole new level with this chapter.)** We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. **(Odder songz? Like: I'm blue boo da ba dee da ba die da ba dee da ba die by Eiffel 65? Or Atc's Just la la la la la it goes around the world just la la la la la it's all around the world just la la la la la and everybody's singing La la la la la and now the bells are ringing La la la la la - la la la la la la la - la la la la la - la la la la la la la La la la la la - la la la la la la la - la la la la la - la la la la la la la?** **I really don't know what you mean by odder songz. Possibly a song sung by otters?) **

Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. **(He sure seems to do that a lot.)** So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! **(NO WAY! IT HAS TO BE HIM!) **It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes... **(Ok, everyone let's just take a moment, play some jeopardy music, and think of who this could be in Tara's world...) **Every1 ran away but me and Draco. **(Well if a guy with no nose shows up everyone is doomed anyway so it was smart of them to run.)** Draco and I came. **(I can't interpret that in a good way.)** It was...**(I'm baffled as to who this could be! I think everyone needs a few extra seconds to think this through. Who in the Harry Potterverse has no nose and red eyes?)**

*** I'm trying to build up the suspense.**

Vlodemort and da Death Deelers! **(Raise your hand if you are in utter shock and awe right now.) **

"U moronic idiots!" he shooted angstily. **(Hahaha, and the insults are back! This time with a person shooting angstily! lol. As of now we are up to seven:**

**1. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"- Dumblydore, chapter 4**

**2. You ludacris fools!" - Dumblydore, chapter 5**

**3. Mediocre dunces.- Professor McGonagall,chapter 5, and the last time she spells McGonagall's name correctly.**

**4. VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" - Ebony/Enoby or whatever the hell her name was at that time and if you want to count it as an insult, chapter 7**

**5. Ridiculous dimwits- Snape, chapter 8**

**6. STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS- Professor McGoggle,chapter 12**

**And now**

**7. U moronic idiots!**

**Sorry if I missed one! Kindly point out if I did. =D) **

"Enoby, **(Where'd she come from?)** I told u to kill Vampire. **(But you didn't tell her **_**when**_** she had to kill him! No deadline means no dead boy-who-lived. End of discussion.)** Thou have failed. **(Don't you mean "Thou hath done-eth poorly in thou's killing of said boy? I curse-eth you all! ) **And now...I shall kill thou and Draco!" **(Avount Draco! Flee-eth the Dark Lord betimes! Enoby, you just stay and get your ass kicked, nobody would care.)**

"No no please!" We begged sadly **(Mamby pamby's) **but he took out his knife. **(Voldemort, one off the most powerful wizards ever has to resort to using a knife? Can't he use a little thing called MAGIC? Is magic seriously that overrated that the Dark Lord has to use a knife? I refuse to acknowledge this stupidity!)**

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. **(She didn't...)** He had lung black hair **(Hair that has black lung disease. That is terrible!)** and a looong black bread. **(Well they are officially screwed, a man with black lung disease and some pumpernickel bread has come to help!)** He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' on da back. **(LOL! WHAT NOW? Beware the powers of Avril freaking Lavigne!)** He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. **(I think flying would take less time but whatever puts a smile oneth your face VLodemort.) **It was...DUMBLYDORE! **(NO! NO IT WASN'T! You better take that back right now you twisted freak! Dumblydore is NOT one of you! He has a headache!)**

Ugh, Tara I swear you are getting worse as this thing goes on. However some good news happened while I was reading this, I'm going to the zoo tomorrow! The zoo has giraffes. I love giraffes. And panda bears. But the zoo near me doesn't have panda bears so giraffes will have to do! =D Chapter 18 of this mess coming this week.


	18. Chapter 18

It's been awhile hasn't it? I really suck at updating and I admit I really do need to start getting better at that. I would blame 'life' but that excuse is lame so I'm just going to blame myself for being a MOTHER FUCKER! But to all of you still reading this god awful fanfic, here is chapter 18.

AN:

**Ok, before even reading this let me guess what she is going to say:**

**Stup flamin da storiii u fukin prepz kk! Raven u suck but u also rock at da same time! I's a goth! ... or something like that. Let's look! v**

I SED STUP FLAMMING! **(I was right!) **if u do den ur a fuken prep! **(This strategy of yours is not working. After 17 chapters you would think she would have realized this by now.)** fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. **(Raven, you suck at your job.)** u rok! n ur nut a prep. **(Can't say the same thing about you.)** fangz for muh sewter! **(mu sewter? My sweetheart? Or is she trying to go all Jane Austen on us and say suitor? Oh right! Raven stole her sweater and now the sweater saga ends!) **ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der! **(1. Dumbledore didn't say a damn word in the last chapter meaning your excuse to why he swore is total crap! 2. I cannot comprehend why you made Dumbledore a freaking goth! Avril Lavigne isn't goth, let it go! 3. The real goths of the world should be on a mission out for your blood.)**

I woke up the next day in my coffin. **(This has absolutely nothing to do with what happened last night. More importantly, does anyone reading this actually care?)** I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, **(EYESHARROW! I am still in shock and awe that anyone could possibly spell eye shadow wrong! Maybe eyesharrow is the black stuff the makeup artists use for Captain Jack Sparrow's eyes in the Pirates movies. Either way, it is my favorite shade, In fact I just painted my entire room that color.) **blood-bed lipstick **(Blood bed? As in what you will be lying on when the real goths decapitate your sad pathetic head?) **and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. **(The Britney Spears showing your belly look was over years ago. Time to get with the times Ebony.) **I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it.

Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). **(Sadly I did not get it and had to read this 4 times at 12 am until I finally got that 'skull' means 'school.' If they did happen to go back to a magical skull exactly where would everyone go to class? I don't think a skull is big enough to hold thousands of students and teachers inside. And if she likes 'deth' so much why doesn't someone just kill her and end the damn story! Oh and apparently now Hogwart's is up for rent!) **Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. **(Nooo he, and I quote this "He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away" Dumbledore did not chase him away, Shakespearian Voldemort resented all on his own, which really doesn't make this any less stupid.)** We flew there on our brooms. **(Instead of flying on their magical giraffes.)** Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. **(If there was a ton of lace on your flying broom that would weigh it down, meaning gravity would not be kind to you.)** Draco had a black MCR boom. **(I have finally come to the sad conclusion that Draco is completely mental in this! A black MCR boom! Who thinks that in the last movie Maggie Smith and Matthew Lewis read this and just decided to go 'BOOM!' to make a reference? Anyone?)** We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.) **(They had a rousing debate: Preps v. Goths- Linkin Park music helps when it comes to debating such issues! Also I love how there is a parentheses mark at the end of this as if this isn't important. Then again, nothing in this fanfic is technically life revolving, even the stuff outside of her parentheses such as her outfit attire which makes her look like a drugged up clown hooker!) **

Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall **(Grate Hall.' According to google a grate is a thing with iron bars to hold fuel for a fire. I want to see a fire happen!)** There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. **(Last time I read the books and watched the movies, the original Great Hall has never been pink! I think Ebony or her sisters went into the hall later that night and painted the room pink which is obviously their favorite color, only to have someone character not in this horrendous fic who likes The Rolling Stones saw the disasterous paint job and painted it black just to piss them off. That's what I'm going with. But besides that, what is the point of painting a room if you can still see the original color underneath it? Ugh. Another stupid fail on Tara's part. )** And there were pastors **(Pastors? I bet everyone at the school is freaking out right now because they might baptize away their evil 'gofficness' or something.)** of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys. **(How are the Backstreet Boys considered "posers?" You seriously can't get any less gothic than them! And Ashlee Simpson is a singer, not a band! )**

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow.** (WTF! That is totally what I say before I go sit down next to people. Great conversation starter right there!) **B'loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, **She can spell The Backstreet Boys and Ashlee Simpson correctly but she messes up on the spelling of her favorite non poser band. I think this tells us something...) **black fishnets and black pointy boots. Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. **(I love how she uses second person in this! Up to my thigh? Personally **_**I**_** am not wearing the thing.)**

**(Stop telling us what the stupid fucking characters are wearing in every damn chapter! We get it! They wear black colored clothes and fishnets and other things you can find at the clearance rack at Hot freaking Topic!)**Vampire, Dracula and Draco came. **(I don't think there's any point trying to explain this.) **We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi. **(Which you may have mentioned before.)**

"Those guys are so fucking hot." Navel was saying **(Navel? If you think that a belly button can speak you are more crazy then I originally thought.)** as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came. **(That is pretty vague. I think he had a bowling ball.)** He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday. **(Was it random Gryffindor student #5?)** He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black. **(LOL! That is incredibly racist! Maybe the hare wanted to die purple as it was originally. I guess the saying is true, once you go black you never go back! Good Lord! Or I'm sorry, Good Satan! X_X And I wanted to kindly point out that everyone reading this knows who Dumbledore is. We do not need a **_**dramatic**_** introduction every time he appears**.**) **

"...DUMBLEDORE?1!" we all gasped. **(No damn way in hell! It can't be Dumbledore! I never saw that coming!)**

"WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!" **(Because Dumbledore now needs an Avril Lavigne outfit to scare people. Riiight. Then again creepy old men turning gothic is an unpleasant thought.) **

"Hello everyone." he said happily. **(He killed the mood. Way to go! He gets bonus points for this.)** "As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?" **(I think it's total BS and that Dumbledore has more important things to do than paint an entire room for no good reason.)**

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer**.(That is a lie.)** Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. **(I have a disfusted look on my face right now.)** We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1. **(Just like YOU! You should accept him or he'll break your freaking neck!)**

"BTW you can call me Albert." **(Albert? HIS NAME IS ALBUS. ALBUS** **Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore! I knew it all along. We got a Dumbledore imposter on our hands. Thankfully he's not called Lucifer or something like that.)** HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes. **(WHEN I TYPE IN CAPS IT MEANS I AM CALLING! And they're going to class? That's a first.)**

"What a fucking poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we we **(Oh great! Now she's trying to make the characters French and screwing up their language as well! It's spelled oui and it means yes! So to clarify this says: Draco shouted angrily as yes yes! Wtf?** **)** to Transfomation. **(Transfomation= A class where ****Autobots** and the **Decepticons** duke it out in a life or death situation! The kids can place bets on who will win. If the transformer you placed your bet on gets destroyed so do you. According to some website I found on google, Ultra Magnus is the worse transformer. Ebony and her posse placed bets on him. ) We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. **(He has more important things to worry about too! Like defeating He Who Must Not Be Named. When is this going to take place?)** I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) **(Anyone out there who can tell me when Gerard has cried tears of blood I will give you first dibs at Tara's/Ebony's eyeballs.)** If anyone can but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis!" **(The hell? Mid life crisis! A mid life crisis takes place in THE MIDDLE of your life. Dumbledore was 115 years old when he died, meaning this mid life crisis explanation is bogus! Even if we're talking about Vampire this explanation sucks!)** Willow shouted. **(I hope Dumbledore heard you Willow, then he can go all bad ass on you and you will get killed **_**yet again**_**!) **

I was so fucking angry. (

Alright, if this bitch describes how 'hot' Gerard or compares anyone to this dude one more time I am going to burn her at the stake. Yes, the stake. With an A. You know, the only thing that can kill vampires along with a cross, according to Tara even though people can also apparently die by slitting there wrists and then coming back to life! Again sorry for the delay, life has been insanely crazy blah blah blah. I promise you'll see chapter 21 by next Monday, you're in for a real treat with that one. I think it beats chapter four by a mile! To all those on the east coast, hold tight and be safe!


	19. Chapter 19

Here we go chapter 19! You know, this chapter is almost as good as Twilight. Make of that what you will.

AN: plz stup flaming da story **(No. As a matter of fact I will continue to 'flam' this story until my hand breaks off for it is a free country and I can do whatever I want if it's not on the illegal list!)** if u do ur a foken prep n ur jelous ok!11 **(That's right you caught me, I am a jelous foken prep. If only I could be as smart and goffic as you.)** frum noq un **(Frog Noms University? What?)** im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz! **(She's going to hit a large percussion instrument called a gong with a malleta and deal us something if we don't give her good reviowz. I see...)** 111 BTW evonyd a poorblod so der!1 fangz 2 raven 4m da help!11

All day we sat angerly finking about Dumbelldore. **(How about you think about something else? Like rainbows and My Little Pony?)** We were so fucking pissed off. **(I thought that you were clearly happy about Dumbledore's sudden ,-** I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. It had been postphoned, so we could all go. **(Another concert! Wow I can't wait to hear about it. Let me guess, MCR will actually be revealed to be Volsemort and da Death Dealers!) **

Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. **(Cutting class instead of her wrists. That's an improvement-somewhat.)** Draco was being all secretive. **(Ohhh this is getting good!)**

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot). **(NO! They are the exact opposite of hot!)**

"No one fucking understands me!1" he shouted angrily as his black hare went in his big blue eyes **(Why does everyone suddenly have a freaking rabbit! The rules state that you can bring a cat, owl,or toad to Hogwarts. There was never any mention of hares!** **Dumbledore even killed his hare because they were going out of style. Looks like Draco just got the memo and tried to hide his hare in his pupils which is not only stupid but completely heinous for the eyesight**!) like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. **(I have never heard this song! However in Green Day's Boulevard of Broken Dreams, I've seen ****the video and** **if you meant 'hair' earlier, he has short spiky hair in the video so that means you are automatically a prep if a person like me can notice something like that for a band I somewhat like and who you basically worship. )** He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik) **(Oh these puns keep getting better and better. Did I not warn you about these?)** I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. **(A cross belly fing. Haha geddit? A belly 'fing' because she is such a goth that she replaces ring with fing because it sounds more like fucking which she enjoys doing 24/7! Yeah... I guess I'm not as good as Tara at making puns.)** My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee **(NO! You do not look anything like Amy Lee for she is pretty and you're just a clown faced whore!)** in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik) **(Gong Under. I would love to see that.)**

"Accuse me? What about me!" I growled. **(Wait- where did this come from? How is he accusing you? Are you mad because no one understands him or are you mad because nobody is giving you attention for once? This sentence is beyond comprehension.)**

"Buy-but-but-" he grunted.

"You fucking bastard!" I moaned.

**("Grunted" and "Moaned." BAD IMAGES IN MY BRAIN!)**

"No! Wait! It's not what it fucking looks like!" he shouted. **(What the bloody hell are they even going on about?) **

But it was to late. I knew what I herd. **(Well we have no idea what you heard! Alls I got out of this was how you aren't the center of attention. Can you please clarify what it was that makes you swear at people uneccesarily?)** I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces **(I have nothing to say to this which will make it sound good.)** like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois**(I'm positive nothing like that has ever happened in a music video. If it did it was never produced to the public.)** (raven that is soo our video!). **(Raven give me bak my dam sweaater! Oh wait, we're past that.) **I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot. **(In June me and my friend were discussing the matter on if you could smoke pot through a cigarette because of this sentence. It is possible, but it takes a hell of a lot of work- which we all know Ebony/Enoby/ and whatever the other two's names are, have no attention span for. And she says this as if it's something dramatic. Newsflash, you have been getting high throughout this entire damn story!)**

Suddenly Hargrid came. **(Yuck.)** He had appearated. **(Which you cannot do inside Hogwarts!)**

"You gave me a fucking shock!" I shouted angrily dropping my pot. **(I don't do drugs but isn't smoking pot supposed to help you relax?)** "Wtf do you fink you're doing in da gurl's room?" **(He's a Satanist and a Hogwarts student! Hardcore Hargrid has come to kill you!) **

Only it wasn't just Hargrid. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Rid or maybe Draco but it was Dumblydore. **(Why would it be Draco? He's too busy 'banging' on the door and PMSing. As for Tom Rid you only met him once and he is now homeless because he gave you free clothes and lost his job. Of all the people in the world, what on earth made you think it would be him?)**

"Hey I need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse. **(Dumbledore used to be cool, then he turned into a goth, wore an Avril Lavigne robe, and now he has a purse. Why does the world not make sense anymore! Next thing you know a villainous character will wear high heels and start talking in thy olde british language. XD)** "What are u wearing to the concert?" **("Because if it's against school uniform I'm going to kick your ass!")**

"U no who MCR r!" I gasped. (**Well he should considering there were posters for the concert hanging in his school which I am assuming he gave permission for!)**

"No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2." He said. **(So let's see here gothz and punx going to da concert. That eliminates punks considering nobody has been classified as one yet, so now we only have around 7 people going to the concert considering everyone else is a 'stoopid foken prep' which means MCR are sellouts in this world.)** "Anyway Draco has a surprise for u." **(He has STD's!) **

I'm working on chapter 20 at the moment and am wanting to post it by the end of the day today. As for chapter 21, you will all either see that today or tomorrow. I'm doing my best! =)


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